Clumsy Card House
by Sugar Sweet Attack
Summary: "Well, I think that he was an idiot for letting you go," Jacob Black said with unknown meaning, staring at his new reason for living with great intensity. "Maybe if she was a he, she wouldn't have had to let me go…" she muttered absently, the waves reflecting her mournful tears. Jacob/OC. New foes, new loves, and new beginnings. Previously called Where Does Your Heart Beat?
1. Prologue

**Insert Appropriate Disclaimer Here**

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**Prologue**

In the shady outskirts of the forest surrounding La Push and Forks, a group of massive wolves were circled in a clearing. The moon, full and illuminating, shone down on them, offering unneeded light, a sign of optimism for some of the wolves. They were supposed to be patrolling- or, rather, should have been. But after hours of finding nothing useful for the umpteenth time this week, Sam called for a meeting.

_We should ask the Cullens_, growled Paul. He was as tired and cranky as his pack-mates but he was less hopeful.

_It isn't a vampire, though_, protested ever-faithful Seth, whimpering as he trotted to keep up with the other wolves.

_It doesn't smell like one, no, bu-_

_But nothing_, protested Leah, who snarled at the dark gray wolf that snapped at her brother.

Something had been killing and snatching people from Forks and La Push. It had been going on for a couple of weeks now and the entire pack was getting more and more frustrated as time went on and they hadn't a single trace. Not even the bodies, if there were any found, could tell the pack much.

It didn't smell like vampires. There was no acidic, overpoweringly sweet stench covering what was left of the bodies, but more of a bitter, barnyard smell. It didn't even _look_ like vampires had done it. More like buzzards had come and pecked at and devoured the unfortunate victims. It was a gruesome sight.

_Do you smell any _trace_ of vampire?_ demanded Leah, subconsciously moving in front of her brother. The sand-colored wolf growled softly in protest but let her. _No! There hasn't been a vampire, other than the Cullens, since those other bloodsuckers have been around._

_And that was half a year ago! _Seth couldn't help but chime in. Leash snapped at him for his trouble.

_ENOUGH_, boomed the alpha's voice, making the pack whine. They all looked expectantly at him as he gazed back with an authoritative air. He was going to say more, tell the pack that instead of bickering and fighting, they needed to put that energy into finding the foe.

But then the screeching started.

Deep within the forest, perched on tree tops, three sisters balanced on mossy limbs. Tabor, the oldest, tapped a crooked talon impatiently as she waited for the youngest sister to finish her screeching. When Guthrie finished, bursting into giggles after, Tabor rolled her black eyes. She couldn't make herself be too cross with her sister, however, because Guthrie was only a nestling.

"Oh, Tabor, I do love it here," she cheeped. Before the oldest sister could reply, Patia cut in.

"It doesn't matter," the middle sister, snapped, vibrant green feathers rustling. Guthrie crooned gently at Patia. Tabor squawked in warning.

"What I mean," amended the middle sister, "is that we're here for one thing and one thing only. It doesn't matter if we like it here."

"But the humans taste delicious, Patia," Guthrie whined. "Can't we just sett-"

"No!" crowed the oldest, flapping her black wings angrily. "We can't. There's too many supernatural beings here… can't you smell them?"

Dumbly, Guthrie blinked before putting her beak-like nose into the hair to sniff. She slowly shook her head.

"I only smell the rain… wait… wet dog and… and… is that… is that _vampire_?" she squeaked, snapping her head back straight to star wide-eyed at her sisters. Guthrie had heard stories of them, of course, of how vampires would rip humans and harpies limb from limb. All harpies had. Or, at least, the young black-haired nestling assumed so because her sisters took turns scaring her with the stories.

"Vampires especially like Harpies," Tabor had said, her black eyes glowering at her little sister.

"Because they taste like _chicken!_" Patia had chimed in, jumping out at poor Guthrie, making her fall out of their nest. That was a long time ago, however, the nestling thought, turning her attention back to the present.

"Yes, it is, Guthrie. And if they find out about us being in their territory…" All three sisters shuttered.

"But I'm tired of moving," the youngest muttered, hardy audible from under the rain. The other sisters shared a look before flapping over to Guthrie's tree, landing gracefully on either side of her. They both wrapped their wings around the nestling in a warm embrace.

"So are we…" whispered Tabor in her sister's pointed ear. "But we need to find it… we need to find the Silver Feather."

The image of the object in question flashed in Guthrie's mind, so beautiful and mysterious that she could only hope to see it again. The object had been in their flock for centuries and each new generation of sisters had to take special care of it.

The Silver Feather, according to legend, came from Podarge, herself, the sister of the Harpies. Or, as she was more commonly known as, Iris. The Silver Feather was given to the Harpy Sisters Aello, Celaeno, and Ocypete as reward for returning to Iris unharmed after being hunted by the winged Boreades.

And it was gone.

Stolen, as their mothers had told the Tabor, Patia, and Guthrie. A human huntress, as that story went, tricked the harpies and took of with the Silver Feather and now it was up to the current sisters to find it.

A choked whimper took the sisters out of their reveries. Unanimously, eyes flashing gold, they turned their attention to the battered and bruised man huddled beneath their tree. He was just waking up, they noted, whimpering as he began to feel the wet cold and the pain that would soon turn excruciating. Soon enough, the whimpering gradually turned to whines and moans.

The harpy sister crooned in different, disjointed pitches, making him look up just as their beak-like noses molded into actual beaks and their wings and talons grew. They fluttered down to the damp earth , circling him.

By now the man was screaming, pleading for anyone to come and help him.

The last thing he saw was the third harpy sister, with her generous black hair and wide, almost innocent, blue eyes smile from under her beak, raising her talons-

and lunging for the kill.

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_**PLEASE READ:**_

**Hello and welcome.  
As you may have noticed, I've introduced new foe for our buddies. The folklore about the Silver Feather was complete bullshit- so I can disclaim that right here and now. As well as the recognizable characters or whatever. You know how this disclaiming stuff goes...  
I also want to make you all aware that this entire fanfiction is based mostly around Blue October songs. If you have any suggestions (doesn't have to be about Blue October), please feel free to let me know? Also, the title and the rating might change... haha.  
**

**~Lindsey Marie**


	2. I: Drilled a Wire Through My Cheek

**Insert Disclaimer Here**

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**Chapter 1- Drilled a Wire Through My Cheek**

_**"I never knew a heart could live inside this rust from all your rain"**_

Viv

"_I'm sorry, I just can't."_

These words were understandable, if not a little incomprehensible. I couldn't stop staring at the screen of my cell phone, eyebrows furrowed, trying not to cry. Despite the simple agony reading them put me through, I was grateful for them. The person who sent them, the person who I loved more than life itself, cared enough to send this. My parents made a big show about my love affair, which, embarrassingly enough, attracted the entire neighborhood. They threatened to call the police if my ex-lover ever attempted contact again. They tried their damn hardest to sever all contact. So this e-mail meant a lot to me.

It was brave.

It was stupid.

It was all I had left.

My parents burned and deleted the pictures, changed my phone number, and, of all extreme things to do, made us move across the country. I sniffled, closing out of my e-mail and sliding my phone closed. Shoving my phone in my pocket, I trudged out of my tiny little room then down the stairs into the kitchen.

Our new home, in a small speck of a town called Forks, was pretty enough. It had two floors, made mostly out of a faded wood, and painted green on the outside. I liked the color but my conservative parents were already making plans on hiring a painter. Or making me do it as further punishment. There were three rooms in the house. The front door had a little square for a dog or cat. There was a near-constant _plipp-_ing noise on the roof, which I hadn't yet decided was relaxing or irritating.

The kitchen was small, like everything else in the house, with cabinets the same shade of green as the exterior of the house. In the center of the kitchen was a little island where my father, Curtis Landcaster, sat, waiting for my mother, Alexis Landcaster, to finish frying his eggs. The perfect domestic picture.

I swallowed the bitterness rising in my throat at the sight and shuffled in. My father was hunched over a newspaper (how interesting could _anything_ be in this town?), his short brown hair slicked back professionally to match the suit he was wearing. Ever the business man, he was ready for work at the real-estate place in Port Angeles. My mother's curly blonde hair cascaded down her back as she danced around the kitchen, preparing our breakfast. She was barefoot, though not yet pregnant, and humming a cheerful tune that mocked the gloomy whether outside. And my mood.

"Oh, sweetie, how do you want your egg?" she chirped when her large blue eyes, so much like my own, fell on me.

I looked a lot like my mother- same light blonde hair and small, petite figure. The picture of femininity, though I kept my hair cut short and wore baggy clothes to hide any trace.

Mom must have thought it was a phase at first, but after the Incident, as she and her husband called it, she wasn't so sure.

"I'm not hungry," I replied quietly, shrugging and averting my gaze. I couldn't tell if I was more ashamed or angry but it made looking at them difficult. Talking was even harder.

"Awe, but sweetie, you're going to have a long day! You need something to keep you energized and ready for school!"

"Listen to your mother," my father added absently. I scowled, no longer caring to pretend it was all alright.

"I'm not hungry," I repeated a little louder, shoving my hands in the back pockets of my jeans. I kept my glare at the hardwood floor, so that Mom and Dad couldn't accuse me of attitude. Knowing them, however, they would find something wrong with my tone or posture. And sure enough-

"Vivian! Sit your ass here and eat something!" Dad barked, finally looking up from his paper. His eyes flashed at me, his mouth set in a hard line, daring me to resist or disobey. I gritted my teeth and dragged myself over, staring pointedly ahead, out the back door, then pulled out a bar stool far away from my father, and climbed on top. My eyes still stared forward, refusing to glance as either my parents. My father was still glowering at me. My mother had decided to ignore us and continue her domestic chores like a good little wife.

It was revolting.

When she sat the plate of sausage, egg, and toast in front of me, I muttered a thank you, as would be expected of me. Not that I knew why they expected me to be civil after a night of crying myself to sleep, curled up in a ball to hold myself together. She beamed at me before going to tend my father's needs. I picked up my fork and began cutting into my sausage, ignoring the pangs of protest my stomach was having at the idea of food.

Just a process of mourning, I guessed.

"This is really good," my father mumbled through his food. Which was disgusting. Manners, I thought, rolling my eyes. Obviously, you don't 'practice what you preach,' you ass. "Isn't it, Vivian?" I stiffened at my name before looking up through my blonde fringe at Dad. Quickly, I nodded and went back to my food.

"Are you excited for your first day?"

That was a stupid question. Of course I wasn't. I was happy with my friends back home, pleased with my school. I had to start all over and this was my junior year. It was ridiculous. Why did they have to move us? Couldn't a hard slap on the wrist have worked just as fine? It wasn't like anyone else over there cared about the Incident. But, insisting that they were embarrassed to show their faces on the streets of Gainesville, Florida, they decided to move across country to a small town where no one would know our dirty laundry but would sure enough get a good whiff if it ever got aired. No, I wasn't excited for my first day.

But at least it was a Thursday. Which meant I had today and tomorrow to get used to and deal with, then I could "recuperate." Their words, not mine...

"Yes, ma'am," I answered mechanically if not a little dully. I could feel the dirty looks they shot me but, really, did they expect enthusiasm?

When I ate the heap on my plate, I shoved it away and stood up. "May I go to school now, _please_?" I had hoped that they wouldn't hear the venom accidentally laced in my words.

"Vivian Anne!"

Whoops.

Flinching, I backed away from the bar. I muttered a quick sorry and made a dash to the living room, scooping up my backpack on the way. I needed out of here now. It felt like the walls were enclosing and all of that cliché, dramatic stuff. It wasn't fair- any of it! Why was I expected to be so happy and cheerful when it was clear how miserable I was?

The ride to school was quiet. Mom tried talking to me every once in awhile but failed when I gave one-word answers. If I couldn't shorten a response to just one word, then I'd reply with a grunt. She gave up talking within three minutes. Within the next two, she was pulling up in front of Forks High School.

At that moment, viewing the throngs of kids talking with each other, laughing and having fun, I realized that I would never fit in. These teenagers had known each other their entire lives and I was just a stranger invading their territory. At that moment, I almost turned to my now tight-lipped mother, someone who used to be so loving towards me, and beg for forgiveness, plead for her to let me go back home, to Gainesville, Florida. I would never see my ex-lover again, I'd always do as Mother commanded, and I'd never, ever do anything stupid again.

For a second, Mom's eyes met mine. For half that second, they softened from ice to a warm summer sky. Maybe there was hope. But I was wrong. She turned her head, expression hard again.

"Have a good day, sweetie," she sighed, visibly tightening her grip on the steering wheel. I sat back for a second, stunned. Then I swung the door open and slipped out of the seat. I swung my backpack on my shoulders, hitting the car with the keys dangling on a zipper. The ding made her look at me again and face my hard gaze.

"Doubtful."

I slammed the door closed and took pleasure in the noise. Spinning around on my heels, I faced the new day.

And almost turned back around.

It felt like the entire school was staring at me, judging. I tried not to let it bother me and ignore it as I marched- or, rather, sloshed- through the wet ground to the building labeled Admissions or something.

Upon entering, an older, heavyset woman behind the desk looked up with a warm smile. It was welcoming in this cold weather. Tentatively, I smiled back, lumbering over to the desk.

"My, you're new!" was the first thing she said. A little taken aback, I let my smile fall. Did everyone know _everyone _here?

Probably.

"Yes, ma'am," I answered softly, tugging at the end of my baggy blue tee shirt. "There should have been an e-mail with my transcripts and stuff?"

"Ah, yes! Just a moment, please!"

I nodded with a silent sigh. My parents were supposed to have set everything up for me so that I could just sign a few papers and get my schedule. Figures they'd screw it up. Maybe it was some sort of petty revenge or something. As my thoughts became more turbulent, my facial expression must have darkened because the woman looked startled when she looked up from the mess of papers on her desk.

"Miss Landcaster, are you alright?"

I blinked, expression changing back to normal.

"Yes, ma'am? D-did you find my papers?"

The woman smiled and offered a stack of white papers over the desk. I smiled back, more genuinely this time, and took them. I needed to get over myself. My parents weren't that petty.

After a few moments of her showing me what to sign and explaining where to go, she gave me my schedule, a map, and wished for a good day. I had to bite back a scoff at that one. As if. But at least Mrs. Smith was genuine.

The best way to describe my first day of school would have been 'anticlimactic'. Here I was, expecting the absolute worst, knowing that there was never going to be another day as awful as this but- school was actually pleasant.

Only a few people really bombarded me with friendship and the questions that went with it, but that was understandable- tolerable, even. They were generic: "what grade are you in?", "how do you like it here?", "when did you move?", and "what made you decide to come to Forks?" The last one I hedged around because, well- what could I say, really, that would be socially acceptable?

The beginning was the worst. I stood in front of my first period World History class, stating my name, where I'm from, and my age, with this overwhelming, irrational fear gnawing at me all the while.

What if they could tell?

But they didn't. Sure, maybe it was curious why I wore boy clothes and such a short hair cut. Perhaps they wondered why I seemed uncomfortable with flirtatious attention from the two males that immediately latched onto me or why I stammered when a pretty girl spoke to me. All were easily written off, however, and very easily excused.

By the end of the day, I had two boys my age eagerly following me around the school, offering to carry my things for me. The attention, as pre-mentioned, was unnerving for me. Males just made me nervous. There were also a couple of girls that had accepted my friendship by default, however, one of which I knew that I needed to be careful around…

As my mother drove up, I sorely regretted making "friends" so quickly.

"Oh, that's my ride," I muttered, hedging away from Nick Canters, a brown haired, blue eyed jock. He was tall, much taller than me, which I didn't at all like, and always smiling, which revealed small dimples in the stubble on his cheeks. His best friend, Josh Brighter, who's looks were almost opposite, being blonde haired, brown eyed, and stocky, mirrored Nick's disappointment.

"Oh," they sighed at the same time. What, did they find my sarcastic wit that amusing? I thought bitterly. I, guilty to admit it, found that I actually took pleasure from them not understanding my dry wit.

"Well, hey, see ya tomorrow!" Josh piped up, brightening. My mother chose then to stop and roll down her window, which was facing the boys and I.

"Oh! Are you two new friends of my Vivian here?" she asked, way too enthusiastically. They both grinned and nodded while I ducked my head to hide my increasingly pink face. Why was she doing this? Further humiliation?

"I am so happy," she trilled, clapping her hands to show her joy. By then, I began inching towards the front of the car to get to the other side (which sounds like a bad joke, really). I expected Nick and Josh to be turned off my mother's gusto, but they seemed to feed off it.

"Yeah, we are, too. She's awesome," said Josh, who was closer, nudging me with his elbow. I tried to smile gratefully but I'm pretty sure it just came out as a grimace.

"We were actually gonna ask if she wanted to join us Saturday to go to the beach. Us and a few more friends," added Nick before singing, "It's supposed to be sunny!"

Please, I begged to any deity that might have been listening, let the car lose control and kill me now.

No such luck.

"That's a _fantastic_ idea!" my amazingly _fantastic_ mother enthused. I continued chanting "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you," in my head. "She'll be there!"

"Awesome," the boys rang. "We'll give her the details tomorrow and- uh, is it alright if we pick her up? It'll be easier to just take one vehicle."

"Sounds like a plan! Bubye!"

Sensing the end of this torturous conversation from which I was practically ignored, finally hurried to the passenger side and entered. We took off, my mother singing her farewells and me sinking deeper in the seat, not bothering to put on my seatbelt.

"Those are some nice gentlemen," Mother said after a moment of blessed silence. I hm'd in reply, training my eyes outside my tear streaked window. When had it started to rain again?

"And cute, too." I gritted my teeth. She'd rather me be a slut, wouldn't she? I couldn't ignore the impulse to open my mouth this time.

"You should see their sisters."

She slammed on breaks. Which was dangerous on the slick roads. But, hell, I didn't care.

"Why do you do that?" she demanded. I refused to look at the expression I knew I would see: furrowed brows torn between confusion and anger, flared nostrils, and flushed cheeks. They'd just mirror my own.

"Do what?" I sighed. I was tired. I wanted to go home (in Florida) and curl up in my warm bed and pretend this was all a dream. I wanted to erase The Incident from my parents' minds completely so that they'd love and trust me again. I wanted… I wanted… I just wanted acceptance. _Real_ acceptance.

It was a few more moments before my mother took a breath and started driving again, albeit more slowly, like she didn't trust herself. I spared a glance her away and, sure enough, saw her pursed lips. She was trying to keep her mouth shut. I was, too.

My father was home when we got there, which, _big surprise_. He was sitting in the living room, on the couch, setting his book down expectantly as soon as I walked through the door, before my mother. Before I could move on to my room, he cleared his throat, stopping me dead in my tracks.

"Well?" he asked.

"Well what? It was school. I've got homework," I hinted.

"She made new friends!" my mother chimed in as she entered the threshold herself, as though our mini argument didn't happen. "Boys," she added in what was meant to be a meaningful tone.

Dad's eyes widened theatrically. They wanted to pretend. "Now, Vivian!" he gasped. "Don't go breaking any hearts around here. We know how pretty you are." He winked

I muttered a 'sure' and continued on my way.

As I lied on my stuffy bed, I reflected on what could be considered the worst day of my life. Y'know, next to that confrontation after I was silly enough to believe that- well, that's not important, I thought, cutting my thoughts short. My lesson had been learned then, and now I was being punished for it.

School wasn't bad here. Sure, I got a lot of stares but this was a small town and I was an unexpected intruder. It would take time which, unfortunately, I had a lot of. I wasn't here for friends, though, nor was I interested in any romantic affairs. That was another lesson I had been forced to learn. I was going to sit at this hole in the earth named Forks, Washington and bide my time until I could leave.

As I rolled over, my eye caught a little stuffed bear with a heart that said "I Love You!" My parents didn't see it when they went through their rampage. Nor did they know how important it was to me.

Never let anyone know how dear something is to you. Another lesson.

Impulsively, I snatched it from my cluttered nightstand and brought it to my chest, a dry sob somehow escaping.

This was all I had left to live with: an e-mail with all of five words and a stuffed animal with a three worded lie.

Lesson Number Four?

Life sucks.


	3. II: Been Down

**Insert Disclaimer Here**_  
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**Chapter 2- Been Down**

**"Because when our colors mixed, we couldn't fix the way they wouldn't blend"**

Viv

_She was warm underneath me. I'd been laying half on top of her for quite some time now, just existing with her. "Vivie, you're so funny," she laughed, twirling a strand of my hair as I nuzzled closer to her. I smiled into her neck before kissing it. The sound of her sigh was like the melody to my favorite song and I'd never get tired of it. Just like her laugh. Just like her._

My eyes slowly fluttered open, trying to get used to the darkness shrouding me. I laid there for a minute trying to figure out where I was- at first I thought I was in Florida, in Che- my ex-lover's bed and half trying to remember my dream. Everything felt disorienting. Slowly, I gathered my bearings and realized where I was.

Which was curled up in my bed in my new home, clutching my 'I Love You!' bear closely to my chest. I blinked groggily and rolled over on my back, refusing to release my hold on the bear.

I smiled sadly at the little teddy bear perched on my chest. Had I fallen asleep like this? A quick glance with crusty eyes at the red numbers of my alarm clock said yes. I had been asleep since about 3:30. It was now 11. I sighed pitifully and rolled over onto my stomach. The bear dug into my chest uncomfortably but I couldn't make myself move.

I tried to close my eyes and drift off to sleep again, but my mind kept wondering back to what I had been dreaming. I couldn't remember much. I just remembered the left-over good feelings, though.

My mind scrambled around half asleep for fragments of the dream. I could remember the smell of raspberry-vanilla lotion. And the sort of warmth that only came from that of another human being. My eyes drooped closed as more and more fragments began to place themselves together.

There was blonde hair, darker than my own, surrounding me and hands tangled in my own hair, caressing. Laughter rang in my ears…

"_You're so funny, Vivie."_

I whimpered into my pillow, wishing for the bed to swallow me up. It was like she was _right there_, talking to be in that breathy whisper she had when I-

I sobbed, finally aware of the tears soaking my pillow and face. Breathing through my clogged nose felt awkward so I ended up gasping from my mouth. My throat ached with my sorrow, my mourning.

After what seemed like hours, I couldn't cry anymore and allowed the _plip-plip_-ing of the rain lull me to dreams of my ex-lover.

A gentle rapping, not unlike the rain from outside, woke me up. I was curled up on my side again, wrapped protectively around my stuffed bear. My eyes felt swollen and my mouth felt nasty. My nose was still clogged from crying.

"Vivian? Sweetie, it's time for school," rang Mom's voice from the other side of my door. I closed my eyes again and pretended that she'd forgive me enough to come crawl in bed with me and cuddle. That she'd kiss my forehead and hum to me. I wanted my mother's warmth and love back.

Another set of rapping sounded.

"Vivian?"

"I'm up," I croaked through fresh tears. I slowly sat up, pushing past my headache, and forced myself off my inviting bed. With wobbly legs, I got prepared for the day, bundling up clothes from my girly dresser and dragging them with me to the bathroom across the hall for a hot shower and a punishing war with my reflection.

After that fun aspect of life, I trudged down the stairs, slugging my bag onto the couch in the living room, and into the kitchen, sat dutifully next to my father, and waited for my mother to finish breakfast. My father continued sipping coffee and reading the paper, ignoring life as it blustered on past him. Mom fussed around the kitchen, mumbling You Are My Sunshine under her breath. If I closed my eyes and took it all it, I thought, it could easily be the same as it used to be.

"Is that what you're wearing to school, Viv?" I opened my eyes to look at my father. He hadn't looked up from his paper but there was a frown set deeply in the lines that only I seemed to bring out. Mom had fallen silent.

"Yes… sir?" I asked more than answered.

"I don't know if that's, ah, appropriate for school."

With furrowed brows I looked at my wardrobe, wondering at what could possibly be wrong with it. I was clothes, quite conservatively, in a pair of jeans, admittedly too big and a little worse for wear at the bottoms because of it, and an oversized black hoodie that said Brony on it with a rainbow-colored pony silhouette. I briefly wondered if it was the thickly applied eyeliner when my father finally averted his glare at my jacket.

"What is a _brony_?" he spat, taking off his reading glasses.

Then it hit me. Oh. Rainbows. Wow.

I shrugged, shaking my head cautiously. "Someone who likes My Little Ponies… a kid's show. Sort of a, um, fad… Well, more of a, uh… of a fashion… statement?" I didn't know how to explain it and so settled for shrugging.

"I don't like it," he grumbled, slipping his glasses back on and continuing reading his paper. Of course he wouldn't come out and say that he didn't like the rainbow. I briefly toyed with the idea of telling him that all girls like ponies and rainbows- just to see him sputter his coffee- but quickly dismissed the idea. There was no need for controversy.

Just then, Mom put my plate in front of me and I dug in. Really, it was only because yesterday morning had been so fresh in my mind. Dad would have made me eat anyway.

I quickly finished my plate and shoved it away, looking expectantly at my mother. She was eating her own breakfast with a dainty grace that I used to admire as I child. But that was when I was small enough to curl up in her lap anytime I wanted to. My heart ached a bit for that now.

When she finished her last, delicate bite, I swiped her plate and plucked her fork from her hand, took my own dishes, and made way to the sink to wash. When I was done, I turned and leaned against the counter.

Biting my lip, I pretended that I didn't think about Dad's plates. While I missed my mother, I couldn't look that man in the eye without livid anger clouding my vision red.

He didn't say anything- probably because he wasn't done eating yet. His eyes were still glued to the paper. Every once in awhile, he'd scoop up egg or hash brown and shovel it into his mouth.

"Ready?" My head swiveled to look at my expectant mother. She smiled softly, almost normally, and nodded towards living room. I hesitantly nodded my own head and trailed to the designated area, Mom not far behind me. I swiped my bag from the couch and hurried outside and to the vehicle.

Silence fell over use as Mom revved up the engine and started the five-minute journey to school. The silence wasn't as awkward as it was yesterday. It wasn't filled with the suspense we had going on between us because I knew what to expect today- sort of. When she pulled up in the front of the school, it only took half the time it did yesterday to get my erratic breathing under control.

Then I slipped out of the car, without saying goodbye.

Mom didn't leave immediately, which made me regret not saying bye. She was probably sitting in her seat with watering eyes and a trembling lip. I almost turned around to smile or wave because I missed her. Simple as that. But as I started to, I heard the car start again and, by the time I was turned around, she was gone.

A scowl etched itself on my face, probably to remain there for the rest of the day. It only deepened when an arm flung itself around my shoulders.

"What'cha doin', Viv?"

Nick. Figured.

"Fixing to get to class," I muttered, ducking from his heavy arm and turning to face him He had this cheesy smile that I almost found adorable. He opened his mouth to speak more, but then his eyes caught my jacket.

"What's a brony?" asked Josh as he came up. My eyes darted back and forth, between the two, prepared for a cross-examination. Brief fear flashed through me as I assumed the worse about the question.

But there was no suspicion or disgust in either their faces. In fact, they looked genuinely curious, reminding me that practically no one knew about the Incident and assumed the worse.

"A My Little Pony Fan," I answered, trying to shrug. Nervousness was still evident in my voice, but the two let it slide.

"Isn't that a little girls' show?" Josh commented.

"Yeah, so it's right up your alley, right?" chuckled Nick, dodging the friendly punch coming his way.

"Shut up, Canters!" the shorter one snapped, face turning red. He looked genuinely embarrassed that I decided to cut him some slack. Well, because of that, and because gay jokes made me skittish.

Before I could open my mouth, the bell rang, signaling the start of the day. All the students, decorated in jackets or ponchos or under umbrellas, filed into their respective classes, leaving us to do the same.

World History had to have been my favorite class. It was factual, opinionated, and captivating. I sat in the back of the room, bent over my desk, and scribbled down notes, occasionally needing to push my glasses up from the bridge of my nose. It kept my mind busy as it sent the proper words to my furiously moving hand. I listened to everything that the old teacher droned on about, taking each date and event to heart.

This. This was natural. It was normal. I felt a sense of security in class, when I had to think about something not home-related. The feel of the pen scribbling beneath the weight of my hand, the sound of rustling paper and quiet murmurs, and the smell of ink and cold air all embraced me with open arms.

I set my pen down and flexed my fingers with a satisfied yawn when Mr. Hillson ended his lecture and made way to his little desk. By then, only about ten minutes of class was left.

Whelp, outside daydreaming it is, I thought as my eyes snaked to the window. It was raining- big surprise. But it was nice, especially with my eyes closed and my hands cradling my hands, just above the neon pink glasses I was wearing. My mind was blank, focused just on the rain outside. So soothing, so peacef-

"Are you asleep, Vivian?"

So much for that, I thought, dragging my eyelids upwards in time to see Josh plop into the empty desk next to me. He was smiling, as always, and nudged me with his elbow. I wondered if he was going to make nudging me a habit…

"Boring, right?" he asked, inclining his head towards the teacher. I shrugged and averted my eyes back to the window.

"I liked it…"

"Really? I mean- not that that's bad or anything but… wow. You like school?" he stuttered. It was adorable, really. Like an endearing kitten that just got its first whiff of catnip.

And just as annoying.

I shrugged again, which, I guess, was going to be a habit of mine from now on. But, really, what was I supposed to do? "I guess," came my sighed reply. I wondered if I sounded as snippy as I thought I did but before I could feel too badly about it, he smiled wider.

"Did you get all the notes? May I- May I plleaasseee borro- oh. Thank you…" He looked down at the stack of papers I slid into his direction and back at me with a look of adoration on his face. Like I had given him the map to El Dorado or something. In response, I rolled my eyes back to the window.

"No problem, kid," I muttered droopily. He didn't reply afterwards and the bell rang.

"H-hey, Vivian?" came his timid voice. My eyes slid to him as I stood, slipping off the glasses and putting them in their elaborate case, and began to gather my things. Well, more like shoving them in my backpack, but whatever. When he saw that he had my attention, he continued.

"I-I was- was thinking that, maybe, we could hang- hang ou-out or something?"

By now I was looking up at him furrowed eyebrows as I tried to understand what he just asked. The stuttering, as rude as it sounds, was distracting.

Then it registered what he said. I laughed nervously, backing away from him. I didn't need this! I didn't need any complications during my stay in this piss-ant town. I tried smiling softly, but I could feel it come out as a grimace. The crestfallen look on his face only confirmed it.

"I… need to get to class." And I was out the door.

Throughout the rest of the day, I brooded. The relatively peaceful mood I had been in that morning had been replaced with a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. All because of Josh fucking Brighter and his big, hopeful mouth.

See, despite popular belief, I wasn't a heartless, stuck up person. I had tons of friends in Gainesville, all of whom I often went out with (in the friendly sense). But after The Incident, I had become reclusive. People scared me now. In the back of my mind, I always wondered if whoever I met would somehow _know _and judge me for it. So I just stopped talking to people.

"Hey, Vivian?" I looked up from my tray of food- which consisted an orange and watched as Nick slid into the other side of my table, his legs brushing against mine. I flinched and recoiled.

What was it with the men here, I pondered, studying Nick's face. He was doing the same with a look of concentration. After a while of keeping me in suspense, he finally smiled, revealing deep dimples in his cheeks. It forced my own crooked smile to come forth, though I was sure it looked unsure.

"So Josh- hey, is that all you're eating?" His blue eyes widened at the sight of my orange, which I defensively snaked my arm around and pulled to myself. I usually had a (more than healthy) appetite that made me self-conscious around other people. Which, ultimately, made me _not _eat a lot in public. For it to be pointed out was highly uncomfortable.

"What about Josh?" I asked, changing the subject. His eyes snapped back to my face and a slow smile found its way back onto his mouth. It unnerved me.

"He told me," he started slowly, lowering his head so that he could peer up at me from under his bangs, "that you pretty much shot him down… and so I was wonder-"

"What time are we leaving tomorrow-" I cut him off, averting my own gaze. My arms slipped off the table and over my churning stomach. From the corner of my eyes, I could see his startled expression. Good, I thought bitterly. Keep them on their motherfucking toes.

"Uh um… Maybe around five in the afternoon? We won't get back until about eight, I think. There's usually a bonfire or something on weekends so we'd want you to see that."

Aanndd back to being flirtatious.

"Where will you and Josh and _the girls_ pick me up?" I asked, adding emphasis so that he'd remember that it wasn't just us. As soon as the emphasis was out of my mouth, though, I regretted it. What if he assumed…

"Your house, if that's alright?" I turned my head to look at him more closely. He looked sheepish and uncertain. I couldn't bring myself to say no. So I gave him my address and cell phone number (God help me if he ever called the house and one of my parents answered…).

"Just… text me," I suggested, sliding out of the lunch table. The bell was about to ring.

"I will," I heard him breathe out. I refused to turn around to see his expression because I was terrified of what I'd see there.

Maybe I _should _find a… what were they called? Ah, a Beard, my mind murmured to me. Apparently there were guys out there. I could fix myself up nice and girly- which would win approval from my parents. And I missed their approval so much. And then I would be able to stop being so afraid of people assuming or finding out about my dirty little secret…

But then _her_ voice rang in my head. I stopped in my trek towards sixth period and closed my eyes to hear it more clearly.

"_Oh, Vivie," she had sighed, laying her head on my shoulder, where she fit perfectly. "Beards are just exhausting…" I had hummed and laced my fingers through hers. "Hopefully you won't ever have to know," she husked, looking up. The conversation from there turned to giggles and squeals of laughter, then to moans and gasps, like they often did…_

"Viv, you okay?"

My eyes slid open at the question and swiveled to the only other person in the hall.

Lisa Canters cocked her head to the side as she studied me with eyes that looked too much like her brother's. Yesterday, I had the feeling she had accepted me out of default because her twin brother and his best friend had pretty much latched onto me.

She was as beautiful as her brother with long brown hair, dimples when she smiled, and twinkling light blue eyes. She wasn't smiling now, however. Only looking at me curiously. When I blinked and felt the wetness of my lashes on my cheeks, I realized why.

I furiously rubbed my eyes, catching my breath and mumbling apologies. God, this was embarrassing, my mind laughed ruefully at me.

At the cool touch of fingertips to my hands, I looked up. And there Lisa was, studying me thoughtfully. I would have thought she'd say something that was supposed to be comforting. And I dreaded it. She'd say she was sorry and that she was there if I ever needed anyone to talk to.

"You're smearing your makeup," she said instead.

In that moment, an understanding passed between us. She wouldn't ask and I wouldn't answer. She stepped back from me and offered a smile, then sauntered off behind me.

After a moment more, I sniffled and headed to the closest bathroom to fix my eyeliner. I no longer thought of finding a "beard." Instead, I thought of my ex-lover.

I thought of Chelsea Broker.

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_**PLEASE**_** READ:**

I want to thank PiperMcLean351, someone named RMJ (?), and xHopelessLilacx for reading, review, and/or adding this to your alert. It means a lot to me :) Because it gave me willpower. Crap, now I know what those authors mean when they say you should review for more chapters. But I'm not gonna say that. I'm just appreciating you guys. My creys 3


	4. III: She's My Ride Home

**Insert Disclaimer Here**

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**Chapter 3- ****She's My Ride Home**

_**We drive to leave the past and clear the mind**_

The Pack

A squawk and a gasp escaped her throat as Guthrie tore through the forest with wild eyes. The large wolf snapping at her heels had gotten close to crunching down on a wing or a feathered leg several times, each instance making the youngest harpy let out a screech. Her little heart beat painfully in her chest, surging each time she pumped her wings to tear her faster through branches and mossy overhang.

This had been going on for half an hour. The other wolves had been chasing the two older harpies, having finally caught and followed their stench after their latest meal. Seth was ordered to stay with the body and guard it- for what, he didn't know. He was unhappy about it and was set to pouting.

Until that God-awful stench reached his nostrils. The young werewolf immediately perked up and started the chase. The thing was almost as fast as a vampire and the only thing that he could definitely tell about it was that it had the bluest wings that left a trail of feathers with every stroke they made.

_What are these things?_ Leah growled with a great deal of frustration. She had just lost the black one again and she was getting fed up.

_I think… I think they're birds_, Embry mused, sniffing at a green feather left behind.

_It doesn't _matter_ what they are_, snapped Paul.

Seth took his eyes off the bird long enough to roll them. The pack was being ridiculous- why were they fighting each other when their focus needed to be trained on these _things_?

He knew that the pack would turn on him with that thought, but they never got the chance. As soon as his eyes reached the sky in mid-roll, something cut him off, digging deep into his sides.

The high-pitched whine pierced the ears of both Guthrie, who immediately skidded in the air and turned around, and Patia, who's talons were caught in the sandy colored wolf's side. Guthrie gasped at the sight, feeling a mix of relief and sorrow. The sight of an animal in pain, however big, tugged at her heart strings, regardless of her knowledge that _these _weren't animals. She realized what they were when they first took off after her sisters.

Werewolves.

She had thought that those were legends, meant to scare her as a small nestling. But, of course, why couldn't they be real? From what she understood, her own existence was considered strange to the predominate human race.

"Patia," Guthrie crooned, approaching her sister and the wolf slowly. The wolf was still whining loudly and withering in pain. Patia only dug her claws in deeper to make him howl. It was answered by the rest of the pack.

"Sisters," came Tabor's voice as she landed gracefully on the ground. "His pack comes."

Patia hissed at the oldest sister. "It tried to hurt our sister, Tabor!"

"And so he has paid. Let us go."

With a squawk, the green-winged harpy yanked her talons out. She didn't even try to mask the enjoyment the noise Seth made gave her. Her smile was bone chilling.

Seth resorted to whimpering and curling up from the pain. Every now and again he'd bark, but Patia was pleased to see it, never mind how loud it had to be.

"Patia." There was a warning in Tabor's tone. The middle sister rolled her eyes and flocked over to the others, sneering at the wolf.

"Whatever, Tabor," she crowed, looking smug. "Let's go then." With a huff, she spread her green wings shot into the air. Tabor soon followed with a sigh, then, finally, after a long look towards the injured wolf, Guthrie trailed after.

By the time the sisters were reached halfway across the vast forest, a chorus of howls rang through the night. Guthrie blanched at the sound. Because it sounded mournful, she reasoned. Maybe they really did just kill one of the wolves. Her blue eyes, which matched the brilliance of her feathers, fell to Patia.

Patia was no longer grinning with triumph. Instead, her brows were furrowed in concentration as they flew through the forest. She didn't understand how her little sister could be so _compassionate_ of all things to be, especially towards something that tried to kill her. Besides that, the green-winged sister just had a sadistic streak. She liked seeing the large wolf in pain. And she liked causing it.

Another chord of howls sounded, pressuring the harpies to fly faster. They could smell some of the wolves behind them, pursing them despite not being able to see them through the tops of the trees. They were safe in the sky- they always were. But they couldn't stay there forever. They needed rest and food, neither of which were attainable with the wolves hot on their trail.

And so they flew.

Back in La Push, Seth, who was now in his human form, was still curled up on his good side, still laid on the dirt where he had fallen. His sister was next to him with a worried frown, fussing over him helplessly. Jared and Paul watched, still as wolves, only moving to flinch when Seth would yelp every so often.

Mentally, she was cursing Jacob Black.

That's right, she blamed him for this. Because he wasn't here to be their alpha. Because he had to run off _again_, leaving her and her brother back in Sam's pack. If he were here, they wouldn't have _had_ to chase these bird-chicks.

Even if he had left, left her as the beta, as the alpha until he got back, that would have been fine. More than fine. It would have been fantastic! But no. Jacob, always wanting to "do good" or "do the right thing" decided on his own that _Sam_ was a better choice.

"FUCK!"

"Yo, Leah, calm do-" started Embry, who was cautiously approaching the naked woman.

"Don't you _dare_ tell me to fucking calm down," she bit out, making her brother whimper. In response, she touched his cheek softly before trailing her hand down to his injured side. It looked bad. Granted, Leah hadn't the slightest clue how to tell just _how_ bad a wound was. But it was angry and wide, red around the edges, still oozing blood, even though she had wiped it away with what was supposed to be her shirt.

"We need to get him to Emily's. It's closer." The woman glared up from her brother to Sam, who she blamed equally as much. She hated to admit it, but he was right. The wound should have been healing already, but it was starting to look infected and, well, not better.

Leah knew, deep in her heart, that there was no one to blame for this. Shit happens. But, despite never showing it, Leah loved her brother. He was untainted by the world, optimistic, everything that she wasn't. She knew that in every situation, there was a chance of _everyone_ getting hurt. Including Seth. She even knew that Jacob wasn't to blame for this because, even if he was here and didn't make them go back to Sam, they still would have helped. Willingly.

She just needed to blame _someone_. _Anyone_.

Getting Seth to Emily and Sam's place proved to be a loud, painful affair. Leah never thought she'd be so grateful to see Sam's place. Ever. When they got inside, they gently laid him on the large couch and stepped back. Well, everyone but Leah. She was going to be the one to clean and bandage his wounds. Emily quietly got her the alcohol, creams, and bandages.

Leah attended Seth with shaking hands, though no one would have been able to tell she was nervous just by her stoic expression. When she was through, however, it became more evident. Her eyebrows unfurrowed and pinched upward; her mouth, which was in a hard line, pursed and trembled; and her eyes were glassy with unshed tears. When one of the other wolves tried to get close, she would growl at them.

Until Sam decided to intervene.

"Leah!" he barked after she snapped at Brady for being too loud. She glared at him as the old hurt mixed with the new, like it did every time he came in her line of sight. "He's going to be fine," he said slowly. "He just needs rest- not his big sister to take care of him. It's not needed. And, for God's sake, get dressed!"

It was like a slap in the face. She very well knew that she was almost never helpful, especially since she'd been forced back into Sam's pack. And when she was _trying _to be useful and _attempting _to helpful, she was told it was no longer needed. It hurt. She stood up slowly from her crouch next to her sleeping brother, keeping her eyes trained on her _alpha_. She gave a curt nod and spun on her heel, then marched out the front door, snatching the neatly folded clothes that were at her brother's feet as she left.

No one stopped her.

As she stormed through the forest, she went back to mentally blaming Jacob fucking Black for this. All of it. And Bella for that matter, she thought with a snarl. Hell, blame the entire vampire race! All she wanted to do was curl up and cry. Instead she started to hazardously pull on the tank top, then tried yanking her legs through her shorts, resulting in her nearly falling into a nearby tree.

"FUCK!"

"Nice language."

Leah Clearwater felt all of her anger and frustration drain out of her at the sound of that voice. That familiar, husky voice that grated on her nerves, even in her memories. Even now. She turned around to see Jacob Black, the very same one she had just been cursing, standing as sheepishly as one his size could.

Jacob looked exactly like he did after the first time he ran away. He was dirty, unshaven, and in need of a haircut. He was also taller and wider, much to the chagrin of his ex-beta. All at once, the anger flared back up with a vengeance.

"Nice beard," she snapped, buttoning and zipping her shorts, not caring that he had seen her bare ass. It wasn't the first time, she thought, and wouldn't be the last. She really wanted to lash out at Jacob for abandoning her. For making her go back to _Sam_ after she had started getting over the past.

"Nice homecoming," Jacob muttered, rolling his eyes. She tried to do the same. She really, adamantly did. But as soon as her eyes touched the tree tops and a few droplets of rain touched her, she lost it.

She cried.

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**_PLEASE READ:_**

I wanted to thank all the people who have reviewed since my last update! Which consist of a reader and Spyro Flavord Skittles 3. And, also, to those who follow.

As you might have noticed, I sorta switched the point of view. Sorry for that, by the way. I know this chapter is all over the place and I apologize for that as well... and for the shortness...

The next chapter, just a heads up, will be in Jacob's point of view. We're getting closer!

**And if you think I'm going too fast-paced _PLEASE_ let me know?** I sorta need a second, third, fourth opinion? ;) Just let me know what I'm doing wrong, i guess. Anyway, thank you again!


	5. IV: The Feel Again

**Insert Disclaimer Here**

* * *

**Chapter 4- The Feel Again (stay)**

_**And I see the sun go up as your image, and I feel the weight of your eyes as you stare  
**_

Jacob

I didn't know I was headed home until I ceased running long enough to breathe. By then, I was already in the outskirts of Seattle. After realizing where I was, a part of me urged myself to run faster to get home sooner. Most of me begged myself to turn around and never look back.

So I went home.

When I got close enough to smell the pack and even the Cullens, the pain in my chest started up- the same pain I was trying to run from. But I pushed through, not exactly knowing why. There was something in my gut urging me to find the pack and, despite the aching, I obeyed.

I expected to be attacked or surrounded by the other wolves at any moment. They must have realized that I was here. But no one ever came, not even after I finally transformed in the middle of the vast forest for the first time in damn near half a year. I was naked, I realized, though that should have been a "duh", I had almost a full beard, and my hair was to my shoulders.

I wandered around the forest until I caught a whiff of someone familiar- Leah. She was close, so close that I couldn't stop my body from trekking over to where she was. Which was really only about a mile away.

When I finally saw her, she was tugging her shorts on with enough force for me to worry about them ripping or something. Instead she almost fell into a nearby tree. My first reaction would have been to laugh if not for the fact that Leah was the most graceful of the wolves.

"FUCK!"

I was surprised. And worried. What could have happened to make her like this? She was usually so collected, albeit cold. And I worried if this was because I made her go back to Sam's pack.

"Nice language."

She stiffened at the sound of my voice, then relaxed and I knew she knew it was me. She cautiously turned around and took a moment to study me. I knew how much I resembled how I looked when I returned last time I ran away, before the wedd-

"Nice beard!" she snapped back. It wasn't the best comeback ever, especially in terms of Leah. But it still stung a little. I would never admit it, but I had missed Leah. We had become close when she was my beta, or so I had thought. And I understood and accepted that she was mad I forced her back into Sam's pack. It was just that I felt it was better for her to have that stability with me gone…

"Nice homecoming," I muttered, rolling my eyes. I saw her try to do the same and open her mouth. I expected a lot of things to come out- a retort, a yell, a scolding, even a huff.

Anything but a sob.

No one ever tells you what to do when someone cries. No one explains what words to say, if you're supposed to pat their back and ask what's wrong, or if you're allowed to walk away. I did none of those things. My feet stayed were they were as I watched paralyzed at this strong woman falling apart.

"Jacob?"

Instead of turning around, I kept my eyes on Leah, who was now covering her face as she violently sobbed.

It wasn't until two seconds later, when she suddenly turned around and started running away, turning into a wolf mid-stride, that I stonily turned to see Sam. He looked just as surprised to see me as I was to be here.

"Sam."

Before more could be said, the rustling of leaves sounded as the wolves, my brothers, showed up, accompanied by their scents. They slipped through the trees one by one until they were standing behind Sam. No one said anything at all. For a few moments, I thought they were going to attack me. Their facial expressions ranged from surprise to blank stares and, to be honest, it was fucking unnerving.

"J-Jacob?" The break in the awkward silence forced me to tear away my eyes from the pack before me and look behind them, where smaller, bundled figure was limping through the trees.

Seth gimped forward with the biggest damn smile on his face. I briefly wondered why he was limping before he rushed into a hug. Immediately, the entire pack relaxed and came forward as well to embrace me.

Being home was…odd. After everyone in the pack, even Paul of all people, had their turn clapping me on the shoulder and verbalizing how good it was to have me back, they dragged me to Sam's and Emily's, where Sam threw me a pair of jeans so that Emily could properly hug me without it being weird.

And then came the part I dreaded the most: going back to the place I grew up in.

I could only imagine the damage I had caused when I ran away again, for practically the same reason I ran away for last time. I was ashamed and I knew it was selfish of me. As a result, I didn't want to face my father. But Sam gave me one look and, even though he wasn't my alpha, I couldn't help but stand up from the comfort of his couch and follow the pack out the door and towards my house.

If I thought I was feeling ashamed before Billy Black opened the front door, I was mistaken. Dad took one look at me and cried for the first time since Mom died. He opened his arms to me immediately and I fell into them just as quick. He still smelled like leather and cigarettes and still felt like acceptance.

Someone cleared their throat after a few minutes into mine and my father's embrace. We took that as a sign that it was time to let go of each other. After pulling away, my father moved out of the door way and in came the pack. The rest of the night was filled with light hearted joking and reminiscing. It wasn't until Seth got up to get Dad some water that his injury was brought to my attention again.

"So what happened with Seth?" I finally asked. Suddenly, it got quiet and serious. Sam, who was sitting across from me and my father, sobered up and met my eyes. My first thought went to leeches.

"It seems like we have a new foe," he spoke quietly. New foe?

"Leeches?"

"I wish," muttered Seth, gingerly sitting back down on a chair.

"It's… we don't know what they are but they resemble birds," continued Sam. Before my question could be asked, he rushed on to explain what he was talking about. "There are three of them, from what we can tell. There's been several bodies found before tonight, looking like a vulture or something had gotten a hold of these people. It was just tonight that we found them."

"And Seth…"

"I started chasing the blue-winged one and her sister caught me in the side. But I'm alright! If it wasn't for that chicken sneaking up on me, I would'a caught her!" Seth's face was tinged pink as he attempted to defend himself.

"Sister?" Sam's head snapped in his direction, making the younger wolf gulp.

"Y-yeah. I mean, I guess. I heard them talking. They called each other sisters."

"Why didn't you tell us this before?" Paul snapped. I wasn't sure why. It wasn't like it was dire information or anything.

"Maybe because he was in _pain_?" Jared cut in.

"Hey, you shut up! No one asked you!"

"Then don't be such a prick!"

Paul started to open his mouth to say something more, but Sam cut them both off with a warning growl. The grumbled a little but thankfully shut up. When they were through, Sam turned his attention back to Seth.

"Did you get anymore information?"

Seth, who appeared to be uncomfortable under the scrutiny, thought for a moment before slowly shaking his head. "Not… not really. The black-winged one seemed sort of like a leader. And I think… I think her name was… Tabers? Tagur… Uh… Tabor? Maybe we should…" He stopped, averted his gaze, and sighed like he knew what he wanted to say would cause an uproar. "Maybe we should ask the Cul-"

"Absolutely not!" Everyone looked to me. I hadn't even realized that it was me who said anything. Embarrassed with my outburst, my eyes found the wooden floor. The room was silent.

"It's getting late," Embry finally hinted as he stood up. Surprisingly enough, the others stood up as well, muttering various excuses and beginning to file out of the small house. I was sad to see them leave but I knew it was coming. Seth was the last to leave. At the door, he smiled at me one, last time, bumped his shoulder against me and limped on ahead.

I closed the door and turned around. Despite my dire need to avoid my father's eyes, I met them. I could see the years he aged in all of six months of me gone. I could see the worry and the sorrow and the joy of having me back, safe and sound. And it damn near destroyed me.

I averted my gaze and edged towards my room. "It is pretty late," I mumbled, then finally just turned to rush away, closing my bedroom door behind me.

There was no way to face my father. There was no reason to even try.

Instead, I brooded in my bed, staring at the patterns on my ceiling that I used to pick out as a kid. I could still see the dog, the duck, the flower, and even the dragon. All of them were still there, however subtle. Sort of like how I felt.

Even though nothing had changed, there was still a bitter taste of unfamiliarity. It was like nothing was the same, even if they were. Everything was changed. Different.

Or maybe it was really me who was different. After all, hadn't Bella taken all that I was and mangled me until I was completely unrecognizable? And there I went, like a good pup, even with her pungent stench and her red-rimmed eyes, and _fought_ for her. Or I would have, if those Italian vampires hadn't punked out.

So when the not-so-epic battle had ended and Bella wanted me to be the godfather for her mutant so that I could be a real part of the family, I turned tail and I ran. Just ran.

Of course, not before I ordered Leah and Seth pack into Sam's pack. I had tried to convince myself that I was doing the right thing but really? I was just being selfish. I was hurt and suffering and, in turn, I wanted them to suffer, too.

It wasn't until I witnessed Leah crying that I realized how badly I might have made them suffer…

It felt like I had just closed my eyes when a bounce on my bed startled me. They snapped open as my mouth curled into a snarl, ready to lunge at whatever woke me- a jerk reaction from when I slept in foreign woods, I supposed.

Seth smiled at me from my bed, hand raised as though he was about to strike me. Slowly, he lowered his hand and got off with a limp. Must still be injured from last night… Embry and Quil stepped forward with matching smiles. They were up to something.

"What?" I practically moaned.

"We're going to the beach. C'mon, you've already slept all day." I looked at Embry like he was crazy. I just got home last night and he wants to go to the beach? A bark of laughter was my only answer. And his was to pick up a pillow from the floor and slap me in the face with it.

"What the hell!" I snatched away the pillow and chucked it back at him, then sat up, running a hand over my face. Unfortunately, I had missed.

"Please, Jake." Seth looked at me with those puppy eyes that not even Brady or Collin could pull off. He always seemed like a pup, even before all the werewolf nonsense. I could remember clearly him latching onto me, always looking at me with starry eyes. Not that I ever understood. But it was nice to be looked up to.

A moan. Then a whine. And then- "but why today?"

Seth's face immediately brightened, knowing that the battle was won. Quil and Embry patted each others' backs in accomplishment. Because, really, getting me to agree to go to the beach was a huge obstacle.

I slid off my bed with a sigh of defeat and, after stretching, took the three steps required to reach my scratched up dresser. From there, I pulled opened a drawer and yanked out the standard Quileute Werewolf Uniform: a pair of cut-off jeans. Even after growing in mass, they still fit well enough.

"Ready?" came Quil's voice from behind me. I ran a hand through my shaggy hair and shrugged. This was pretty much as good as it was going to get.

"You should shave, Jacob. You look creepy." I blinked owlishly at Embry, who's expression remained unfaltering. Was he serious?

After a moment of studying his unwavering face, I decided that yes. He was dead serious. I rolled my eyes but said nothing before I made my way out the room and into the bathroom.

The first thing I noticed about the bathroom was the mirror. It needed cleaning, as did everything else, I guessed, but it wasn't too bad. What caught my attention, specifically, was my reflection. Which I had avoided since the not-so-epic battle. But this had caught me off guard. And once my eyes captured my own face, it was like a car-wreck. I couldn't look away.

I really did need a shave. My beard was longer than I thought it would ever get, being shaggy and rough looking. It wasn't _long_ like the beards in ZZ Top, but it was thicker than it was the last time I came back from running away. And my hair was… It brought back memories of before the phasing. It wasn't as long as it was back then, but it was close. I nearly reached for the scissors that Dad must have left out for me, but my hands ended up on a rubber band instead.

Call me stupid or call me nostalgic. Whichever it was, I couldn't cut my hair. Not now. Instead, I got the electric razor, also left out for my convenience, and set to getting rid of this beard.

When I was through, I almost recognized myself. There were hard lines around my forehead from frowning so much and my eyes and mouth were hard, but there I was.

Jacob Black.

"Hey, Jake, you almost done?" rang Seth's voice. He sounded more worried than impatient and that was the only reason I didn't call back a scathing reply. I spared one last glance in the mirror, then exited the bathroom.

It was a nice day as far as nice days went in La Push. There were clouds, but when weren't there? It was warm and sunny and by God, I planned on enjoying the day if it killed me.

"Jacob!" I flinched at the familiar, feminine voice. Thought too soon. Before I could turn on my own, a strong hand grabbed my shoulder and yanked me around so that I was facing none other than Leah Clearwater. Her eyes were just the tiniest bit puffy as evidence from last night but she mostly just looked angry. Guess she got her steam back, I thought.

"We have a bone to pick," she growled, glaring up at me. I hated to admit it, but she was scary. "You just- you just left! And you _demanded_ as _alpha_ that we return to Sam's pack! With no explanation and no apologies and you _left_! What the hell is wrong with you?"

Throughout the entire rant, her voice got louder and shriller, making the four of us, flinch at every other syllable. I wasn't sure if it was a rhetorical question or if she expected an answer. With a quick look at the other three unfortunate males, I guessed that no one did. When Leah began to tap her foot, I figured it was the latter.

"I'm sorr-"

"You're _sorry_?" she shrieked. God, my fucking eardrums! "That's all you have to say for yourself? Do you know how fucking _miserable_ it was? I was beginning to be happy!" By now, the female werewolf was jabbing me in my chest with her index finger. And then she stopped.

"I… I _trusted_ you," she finally whispered.

She never looked so broken than she did in that moment. Her arms had fallen to her sides and wrapped themselves around her in a hold that reminded me of Broken Bella Swan. Her eyes were red again and watery, though she wasn't crying. Yet. I opened my mouth to say how sorry I was. How awful I felt for the order and leaving.

"L-"

"Whatever. Be home by ten, Seth." Then she was gone.

A heavy silence fell over me and the three others as we shifted awkwardly in the sand. Something needed to be said. Or done. Or both. God, let there be a crisis or something, I begged.

"So, how 'bout that cliff diving?" Embry finally muttered. There was a collective sigh of relief and we allowed him to follow the way to the cliffs. If there was anything I missed about being in a two-legged shape, it was diving off cliffs.

When we got to the trail that led to the pack's favorite cliff, which happened to be the highest of them all, Seth suddenly stopped. We turned to look at him.

"Ah, I um, I'll catch up. I forgot something," he stuttered with a small blush. My eyes automatically fell to his side, which was naked except for the large, white bandage. That was beginning to stain red.

"Are you alright?"

He laughed, shrugging my concern off. "Yeah, of course! I'm not a little kid. I just need to change it," he explained, somewhat indignantly. "You guys go ahead- I'll catch up!" He then turned heel, as best as one could in the sand, anyway, and began to march off.

Huh. It seemed like in the half year I had been gone, baby Seth had grown up into a man. He was already 16, I thought. That was how old I was when this first started. With a sigh, I turned back around to continue up the ascending, winding path, only to find that Embry and Quil were already on their way.

"Hey!" I called, setting to a jog as they laughed and sped up as well.

We broke through the trees with laughter left over from our race, which I won. When we exited the trailed forest, when I finally saw the endless horizon of sea and sky, the laughter died from my lips, though the smile didn't. Raw emotion suddenly rushed over me in waves, not unlike the ones churning below.

This. This was home. This is what had been missing in the past half year while I was running like a chicken without a head across the country. The beauty and serenity of _home_.

I hadn't noticed that I had closed my eyes until I breathed in the ocean air deeply, drinking in all the smells. Nor had I realized that I had moved until my toes were at the edge of the cliff. My eyes slid back open and I looked over my shoulder at my friends. I almost expected to be made fun of but a passing look of almost solemn understanding passed between us.

And then I jumped.

The air rushed and whipped around me, stinging my skin in the best way imaginable. I tried to take in everything- the sounds, the smells, the sights- but it all went by too fast. When I finally met the water, I nearly cried.

It was fucking freezing. As cold as I remembered it, really. Because my feet were pointed, I shot down, down, down and I had to stop and look around, despite the stinging in my eyes. There was nothing to see, of course, the ocean being as dark as it was. I vaguely remembered the last time I had been this deep. To save a life that, now that I had enough bitterness to think about it, really wasn't appreciated by the owner. She did throw it away, after all.

With that sting in my heart, I pushed myself upward and within three kicks, I broke surface with a gasp.

God that felt great.

By the time I had reached shore, I felt great. The ache that was always present in my heart had died down some, leaving a dull throbbing, and there was only a little bit of a bitter taste in the back of my mouth. I shrugged myself onto land and laid on my back, close enough to the waves that the licked my feet, but not that I'd drown.

The sun was setting, sending sparks of oranges and reds across the sky and a crescent of the moon could be seen following the sun it her footsteps. I wished I could just lay here forever and listen to the soft roar of the waves and calls of the birds. Smell nothing but the salt and fish. See nothing but the sunset…

"Jacob!"

So much for that, I thought ruefully, sitting up. "Yeah?" I sighed, leaning back on my hands and turning my head to look at the approaching pup.

Growing into a man or not, Seth still was and always would be a pup to me.

It wasn't until he turned slightly around as his footsteps slowed that I realized someone was behind him. I was caught between being annoyed and curious. When he was finally in front of me and a pair of pale legs were peaking between his own, I decided to be both.

Finally be began to speak. "Someone ah saw you jumping an-"

"Are you stupid?" That angered huff of a demand took me by surprise and made my heart stutter. My elbows nearly buckled under the weight of the sound.

"W-what?" I asked dumbly.

Seth was hastily shoved to the side to reveal… to reveal the most beautiful being I had ever seen. Or would ever see.

It was like time stopped and her stare was what was holding it still and making the world tilt towards her. Her dark blue eyes looked like the pits of a lagoon and cut daggers into me until the occasional throb I felt for Bella was gone completely, leaving only those fresh cuts made by this angel's deadly stare. Her face was soft and round, except for a pointed, stubborn chin. The sun seemed to catch fire to her pale skin and her flaxen locks. And that was it. This was her.

It wasn't until she stepped back after an entire three minutes of my staring at her in awe that I realized what had just happened.

Fuck me.

I just imprinted…

* * *

**_PLEAS__E READ:_**

Okay, I really wanna thank **every** **one **who has taken the time and consideration to not only alert or favorite me but took the time to review as well. I know it says before your review that a well-rounded critique is the best present to give a writer- and it's write. You've all helped me focus more. And I apologize for this taking so long! I didn't not abandoned. I just rewrote it. Twice.

I'm going to try to limit and force myself to post once a week. I haven't decided on a day. Maybe on saturday or sunday. Hah.

And to the question such as **"how old are they" "when is this" **and such, all in due time :D I haven't halfassed it, I promise... I think.

As always, please review. I'm afraid that this isn't the best or that it's too rushed and I'm not sure what to change. So critique is always welcome.

_**thank**_** you**

much love

_**SUGAR**_


	6. V: Drop

**Insert Disclaimer Here**

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**Chapter 5- Drop**

_**It's just a trip, not a way to ease your pain**_

Viv

By the time the doorbell rang, I was ready to leap under my bed and attempt to find Narnia or something for refuge. But I had been ready to do so since my mother had agreed for me to go to the beach.

Who the hell even wanted to go to a beach when it rained as much as it did? It would be cold and cloudy and rainy and, even though I really didn't mind any of that, I was ready to pretend to be sick. At least that was the plan until my mother barged into my room with four teenagers in tow- Nick and Josh, of course, and Lisa, Nick's twin sister, and Dorothy. Seeing Dorothy there made me smile shyly and attempt civility.

Dorothy Boreas, or Dot, as the other three called her, was a short, chubby girl with a brown pixie haircut and freckled cheeks. Her doe-eyes, large and brown and innocent, had made me stutter the first time I met her. Her voice matched her personality- soft and gentle.

"Hey," I greeted, standing up from my bed. My mother beamed at the gesture. I could practically hear her thoughts churning in her head- 'she's making normal friends! She has suitors!' I nearly gagged at the idea. It was sickening.

After a bit of chit-chat (mostly on Nick's and Josh's parts), I ushered the group- mother included- out of my room so that I could get changed since I had been determined, only five minutes earlier, on not going. Now I just needed out of this Godforsaken house.

After changing, I grabbed my wallet and phone, stuffed them in a tote bag, along with a large beach towel that had cute little penguins on it, and swung open my door, prepared to march out without a break in my stride. This lack of slowing down forced me to run directly into Dorothy.

I stumbled backwards, flushing.

"S-sorry, Dorothy!" God, I was an idiot. "I didn't expect you to be there…"

She giggled cutely, just as flustered as I was, and tugged at her shirt. "No, no. It was my fault, Vivian," she assured, peeking up at me from under her fringe. My heart skipped a beat and I knew I was gone.

Welcome to infatuation, I thought ruefully.

"Did you wait for me in the hall? Or…?"

"Ah, I was gonna come and knock on your door. The others are downstairs waiting. Your mom made cookies." She took a step towards me, looking coy. Instinctively, I did the same. She was so close to me- so very close. I could smell her sweet perfume and clearly see the patterns of freckles sprinkled over her nose like little angel kisses. I looked down at her, which was an amazing feeling, and smiled gently, almost seductively. And I caught myself wanting to touch her and-

-and stepped back. She blinked hazily, surprised at the sudden space. I could see in her eyes the disappointment that I felt. Getting involved… would be dangerous. To both of us. But I could sense the hurt and rejection in her and see the tears brimming in those doe eyes. I couldn't hurt her.

So I winked and nodded down the hall, towards the staircase.

"Won't wanna keep them waiting, huh?" The pout set in her rosebud-mouth slowly diminished and a shy, happy smile took its place.

In the living room, Josh, Nick, and Lisa sat in the long couch, which was set against the wall, nibbling on cookies while my mother and father sat in the loveseat, which sat on the wall next to the couch. They all looked up from their conversation and cookies as I stepped off the last stair. I awkwardly smiled at them, avoiding my parents' eyes because I knew what I'd see: their looks of disapproval at my swimwear, which consisted of a pair of dark blue trunks with a green dragon wrapping around the left leg and a black tank top under a baggy brown shirt.

"Vivian, honey, where's that nice bathing suit I got you?" asked Mom, her voice going up an octave.

"I thought it'd be too cold…" I hedged, shrugging. My sham of a bikini, brown with pink flowers, was defiantly laid out on my bed. Part of my hoped she'd see it and look too much into it. The other part wanted to go back to my room to hide it in my closet. Or burn it.

"We don't want her to wear that skimpy thing anyway, Alexis," my father chimed in. Despite the Incident, I guessed I was still his little girl who needed modesty. Pft. I almost laughed at the thought.

As predicted, Mom let it go. Always the obedient housewife, I sneered.

In the car, where I was squished between Josh and Nick, things got awkward…er. The boys chattered constantly- I swore they didn't know how to be quiet- and competed for my attention. I didn't understand why I had to be stuck with _both _of them- why couldn't Nick sit upfront with his sister? Or Josh sit with her? Both Lisa, who hadn't really spoken to me since that time in the hallway yesterday, and Dorothy, who pretty much screamed 'I'm interested', were quiet. They didn't have to feel every silence with chitchat.

"Nick, shut up, you talk too much," Lisa finally demanded. Her eyes, the same light shade as her brother's, flickered from the road to the rearview mirror, meeting mine for a second, then back.

"Yeah, Nicholas, shut up," chimed in Josh playfully, nudging me. I'm gonna start calling him The Nudger, I thought, repressing the urge to roll my eyes. Since first meeting him two days prior, he had nudged me enough, usually in the same spot, to leave a small, round bruise.

"You shut up, Rainbow Brighter!" snapped Nick, face flushing. It was Josh's turn to blush at the insult under the unanimous laughter. By the time the laughter died down, the vehicle pulled to a stop and Lisa cut off the engine.

Once again, I wished that the seating arrangements weren't so when Nick and Josh clambered out of the small vehicle and both offered me a helping hand. I frowned but slid out of the right side- which was Josh's but it was also Dorothy's- and blatantly ignored Josh's hand. I wasn't some princess who needed help out of a carriage or something. I hated being treated as such.

The air, while still sort of damp, was warmer than it had been during the entire time I had been in Forks. The sun was even winking playfully at us, urging us on, though there were clouds to tease us and it was obviously going to get dark in about two hours. There wasn't miles and miles of dry sand but the greenery that covered it was a beautiful second place. For the first time since the Incident, I thought it might actually be nice to live here.

"Is this your first time at the beach?" asked Nick, who came around to stand next to me. I rose my eyebrow up at him and deliberately shook my head.

"I lived in Florida," I explained slowly. He threw his head back and let out a loud chortle, then threw an arm over my shoulder.

"Oh, you're a hoot, Vivie."

"_Vivie, you're so funny," she laughed, twirling a strand of my hair as I nuzzled closer to her._

I froze at the name, then preceded to shove his arm off me. "Yeah," I muttered, rolling my eyes. "Real hilarious." My glare, directed at the sand, must have been seen by the boys because they backed away a few steps.

"Yeah, well, let's go see how cold the water is," interrupted Lisa with a sigh. As she walked past me, she patted my shoulder. The other three followed her, shooting me curious looks as they passed. Reluctantly I followed.

By the time we reached the beach it was a little after 5:30, surprising me that the drive only took 30 minutes. Maybe it was the consistent chatter that kept me on edge the entire trip, but it seemed to be a lot longer than that.

Dorothy came up beside me with the softest smile I had ever seen, peering up at me from under her lashes and fringe. "You okay?" she asked.

I returned the smile, nodding my head. Of course I was okay, I wanted to flirt. You're here. Instead of saying any of that, though, I looked back to the ocean's rippling tides with admiration, enjoying the comfortable silence that fell over Dorothy and I.

As mentioned afore, there was little sand- it was mostly just greenery that looked damp. We were surrounded by forestry, like all of Forks, but these woods seemed deeper somehow. On the edge of the forest, there was a winding-like path up a cliff. My eyes followed up the path until it was shrouded by more forestry. At the end of that, there was the cliff. Sure, there were smaller cliffs all around but this cliff was the height of a small skyscraper.

So why in the world, my brain demanded, would there be a man on the edge?

"Dor-Dorothy, he's going to ju-"

Before the word could leave my mouth, the man did exactly what I was going to say. He jumped. Panic rose like hot bile in the back of my throat, shoving me forward to the edge of the beach. I don't remember yelling or freaking out. All I could think was that he was going to die.

I watched in horror as gravity pulled him down until, finally, the tips of his feet met with the water. Then he was gone.

Before I knew it, I was on my knees, searching through my tote bag for my phone. He jumped, my mind screamed at me. My jumped and no one did anything. When I finally pulled out my cell phone, I scrambled to my feet and attempted to unlock it. It took three or four times before I could enter the anniversary date into the lock. It was yanked out of my hand before I could pull up the dialer on the touch screen.

With storming eyes I looked up at this… this _giant_ and all of my panic fled me to leave room for awe. He looked panicked as well as defensive. Yet, despite his size, he seemed absolutely harmless…

"I- you shouldn't- don't call the ambulance." How had he known that was what I was going to do? Was I that obvious? He must have seen the confusion on my face, because he chuckled a little before starting to hand me my phone. Before I could snatch it out of his hand, he yanked it back again.

"It's recreational. Cliff diving." I could feel my head shake in the negative.

"He- he _jumped!_" I squeaked.

"I know but it really is a sport, ah, I don't have your name…"

My eyes, which had fallen wide-eyed to the sand, snapped back at him. Someone just jumped off a cliff and he wanted my _name_?

"What do you mean recreational? That- that's _stupid_! He could have gotten hurt or something! And how did you even _know_ I was going to call the ambulance?" My voice rose as I continued my rant, making him flinch and step back.

"You kept mumbling ambulance," the kid mumbled before getting back on track. "It's just a sport. Look, I can let you talk to him if you want? Introduce you! And you'll see he's alright. See, he's swimming up now!"

Still in disbelief, I turned to where he was pointing and, sure enough, there the man was, swimming ashore. It didn't take long for him to be able to stand and walk on the shore, where he promptly collapsed in the sand not that far away from where we were.

I looked behind me to see Dorothy looking worriedly at me. She was a good yard away from me and looked like she didn't want to come any closer. The other three were at the water, unaware of my panic. I shot a shrug towards the short brunette before looking unsurely at the boy who was still attempting to gauge my reaction.

He nodded his head to the man, then turned to walk towards him. To be honest, I didn't want to, but I was still worried. I couldn't believe that someone had survived a fall like that. So I followed closely behind the boy.

"Jacob!"

My eyes once again fell on the man sitting up and, quite unexpectedly, I was angry. I didn't even know why. I believed "to each his own" and all that. If the guy wanted to jump off a cliff for sport, than who was I to judge? But I couldn't help the rage building up in me. In retrospect, it scared me.

"Yeah?"

"Someone ah saw you jumping an-"

"Are you stupid?" I finally cut in, unable to stand the anger boiling in me.

"W-what?" By now, the boy had managed to block my vision from Jacob, or whatever his name was, so I shoved him aside to make my presence known.

"You could have been killed! Jumping off a cliff like that? Cliff diving my white ass! That's danger…ous…" Why was he staring at me like that? With his mouth agape and his eyes wide. It was an awkward staring contest, that was for sure. I tried to maintain my glower as he gawked at me, tried to stare him down until he quit looking at me like… like… like how I looked at Chelsea when she confessed her feelings for me.

Needless, to say, I lost the contest.

My glare died as I took a step back. That seemed to shake him from his stupor. He shook his head slowly as though he was trying to clear cobwebs from his mind, then looked helplessly at the boy in front of me. After that, his helpless, black-eyed gaze turned to me. And hardened.

Was that a growl? He abruptly and stood, somehow, with grace and I gasped at the sight. He was beautiful, even to me. He was just… scary. He was even taller than the boy that brought me to him, towering over me. Black hair was plastered to his face and shoulders and sand stuck to his russet skin. He looked like an angry god, ready to strike me down.

Instead of striking me down, however, he brushed past me in a run, leaving me and the boy looking after him.

An awkward silence hung over us. I tried to form a coherent thought, but my mind was numb from what just happened. And the worse part was that I didn't even know _why._

"So, I'm Seth Clearwater."

My eyes swiveled to him in surprise at his casual tone. I think I just accidentally made a new friend…

* * *

_**Please Read:**_

Again, thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and alerted my story :) You make my life worth living.

Sorry it took so long to update... sigh...

Also! MUY IMPORTANTE! I'm thinking about changing the name to **Clumsy Card House**. This entire fanfiction is based on Blue October songs, which I strongly suggest you listen to. Just because they're beautiful and, I dunno, they get ME into the feel of the fic. Maybe they'll do the same to you. Anyway, the title now is a like from one of the songs (**Let it Go**) and Clumsy Card House, I feel, just suits it better.

Please please PLEASE give me your input on that?


	7. VI: Italian Radio

**Insert Disclaimer Here...**

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**Chapter 6- Italian Radio**

_**So pull out your hand to meet my fine new lady- she's rock n' roll and she saved me.**_

Vivian and Jacob

_You're stupid_, snapped Quil, almost suddenly. It probably had something to do with the depressing mood that tainted their thoughts every time they were transformed. It had been going on for four days. Even if Jacob was sitting around as a human, he'd do nothing but mope and throw tantrums. As a wolf, his every thought revolved around a specific blonde and a specific brunette.

_You don't know what you're talking about_, Jacob snapped back at him. No one really did, not in Jake's opinion. Everyone assumed that he would drop everything he had cared about before meeting _her_ and just go along with the imprint. And, yeah, it felt like his heart was being torn apart every hour that he was denying this imprint thing, but it wasn't _too_ bad…

_Which is why you were practically puking with pain last night_, spat Leah as she sauntered past him. He flinched at that. Everything she said was ten times worse than if anyone else would have. Because he had a lot to making up to do, whether he liked it or not. He would have liked to have been doing just that but he was always in too much pain.

If this was a good thing, why did it hurt so bad?

_Because you're an idiot_, came Sam's exasperated voice. Sam had let Jacob back into his pack with open arms. Hell, he even made him beta again! The downfall was that the pack was still weary of him and Leah's ever-terrible mood had been even worse. And every time Jacob would try to talk to her, she'd either storm off or beat his ass into the dust.

Needless to say, Jacob was beginning to regret his decision to rejoin the pack.

_If you'll just talk to her_, continued Sam's lecture, _you'll feel much better._

_I don't need her. I love Bella_, Jacob whined, desperately hanging on to that old conviction.

_Not anymore, you don't_, Leah cut in with a small voice.

No one said anything after that. The four wolves doing patrol ran to their respective areas, carefully on the look out for the she-vultures, as the pack had begun calling them.

There hadn't been anymore killings since Jacob's return, but every now and again, one of the wolves would catch a trace of their pungent scent. They had often debated on what the she-vultures were still around for and where they were doing their killing, since it obviously was no longer in Forks and La Push. The more pressing question, however, is _what_ were they?

Sure, they had wings and feathers. They squawked and flew away. They looked like birds. But what were they exactly?

Seth had suggested several times on going to the Cullen's for help because, in retrospect, this may have been affecting them as well and they _had_ been "alive" a lot longer. After Jacob nearly jumped down his throat the fifth time the younger wolf mentioned their name, he finally just stopped.

Jacob wished Seth would drop _other_ subjects as easily.

In the past four days, Seth had mentioned _her_ more times than he could count. It started off with little tidbits of information about her, like the crucial detail that her name was Vivian Landcaster or the fun-fact that she drank Dr. Pepper while eating a vanilla ice cream cone. All of the freely handed out information tore at Jacob more and more, but he kept strong. He didn't budge.

But then Seth got persistent. More so than the other wolves.

Every time Seth and Jacob would pass each other, whether it be at Emily's or during patrol, he'd say something about Vivian and how great she was.

"She's actually pretty funny. You'd like her," he had hinted during dinner one night. Or "you'll never guess what her favorite color is! It's blue, just like yours! Sounds like _fate_ right?" After these little hints would only reward Seth with a growl and a torn look, he finally got blunt.

"If you'd just talk to her! You'd feel a lot better!" Seth had growled. "Seriously, Jacob, quit being so damn stubborn!"

But Jacob wasn't being stubborn. He was being faithful to his true love, Bella Swan, and his heart was meant to ache for her. He wasn't done mourning her so how was he expected to suddenly shift his love and devotion for her to someone he didn't even know? Someone who looked like a scrawny rat?

Jacob yelped at the pang that thought brought him. It was like every thought that was about her burned at his insides, and it damn near _scorched _when his thoughts were anything bad, as though his body rejected anything negative

_Face it, Jacob_, came Quil's voice again. _It's not going away._

Jacob's response was a snarl as he turned tail and ran deeper into the woods. It wouldn't take away the voices but it would distract him. No one talked to him after that, each of the other three wolves' minds wandering on their own as they sniffed around. Jacob's mind, however, remained on the subject it always stayed on:

Viv- no, Bella. It was a frustrating battle between the two girls and the russet wolf was afraid of the casualties. He felt like he was betraying Bella somehow because of this new "connection" to this new girl. It wasn't natural like what he felt for Bella. But what he felt for Vivian… That was painful. It was like every part of him, every muscle ached constantly. There was even the occasional stabs in his chest. He always found his mind straying to the petite blonde, to the image he had seen of her for a mere five minutes. Her flashing eyes, her full mouth, her golden hair…

"Jacob?"

At the bell-like voice, the wolf in question stiffened. How did he even miss that acidic-sweet stench that was now burning his nose? He turned his head and let his dark gaze fall on the vampire behind him.

Waves of guilt washed over him. Figures she'd show up when he was thinking of another girl. He felt so faithless and pathetic to be caught with thoughts of someone who wasn't Bella.

Bella revealed gleaming white teeth as her mouth stretched into a genuinely happy smile. She looked hard and cold, but her beauty was breathtaking. She was still that lanky girl he had fallen in love with. Just dead. Her motions were fluid and graceful as she stepped towards him.

And completely un-Bella-like.

She must have seen something in Jacob's eyes because her smile soon died on her lips. The brunette cocked her head to the side with a frown and asked the most obvious question of mankind.

"What's wrong?"

And now, fifteen minutes later, Jacob sat on a large, fallen branch next to Bella, finishing his explanation of why life sucked with "it's all so stupid!"

Bella slowly shook her head, confusion written clearly on her white face. "I don't understand," she finally said after a moment of silence. "I thought imprinting wasn't a choice…"

"It isn't!" Jacob bemoaned, hanging his head. "And it's so painful!"

"Then why are you fighting it?" Jacob bit the inside of his cheeks and lifted his head to look at the girl he had felt so much heartache for. Her head was slightly cocked to the side as she observed him, making her luscious brown hair hang over her shoulder. Her eyes were slightly squinted as she tried to understand and her lips were pursed and… she was just so beautiful.

And Jacob felt nothing for her.

"Because I love you," he answered automatically. It was always the same song. But this seemed out of tune and more than a little worn out, like it had been on repeat for way too long. And singing that very same song suddenly _hurt_. Like a bitch.

"No you don't."

"I-"

"No, Jacob, listen. I'm… I'm dead. Okay? Throw in that I'm made to be your mortal enemy, I'm married, and I have a kid, your chances aren't looking so good."

Ouch. She had never been quite so blunt before.

"But look. This girl- Vivian, right? Right, so she's new here, she's normal, and she doesn't know about the whole 'I transform into a giant russet wolf thing' and you're obviously already head over heels for her."

"That's because-"

"Because of the imprint, I know," Bella cut him off again, shrugging. "But is it really that bad? Maybe this is the werewolf part of you saying 'she's the one' for a reason. Maybe, if you spend time with her and get to know her, you'll find that you _do_ like her. For her. But you won't know if you don't try."

Jacob stared flabbergasted at the girl he loved. Or, rather, used to love. She offered nothing more than an apologetic smile and another shrug before she finally stood up with all the grace of a vampire.

"You don't have to hold on to the past, Jake." If possible, his dark eyes widened even more and understanding finally struck him. Her smile broadened at the witnessing of her best friend's understanding. She wrapped her arms around him, feeling the heat and smelling his stench, and kissed his bare shoulder before finally, after two and a half years, letting him loose.

"Go get your girl."

And, after a breath of relief, Jacob got up and ran to do exactly that.

When he was long gone, a sandy colored wolf ambled through the bushes and plopped next to the vampire with his tail wagging. Bella looked at him with a triumphant smile and the wolf's tongue lolled out of his mouth.

"That really wasn't that hard, Seth."

Her answer was a small growl that could be taken as a grumble. Of course it wasn't hard. For her. Guessing the direction of his thoughts, she rolled her eyes and nudged the wolf lightly with her elbow. In return, he licked the side of her face as thanks.

Jacob broke through the trees that opened up to First Beach, which wasn't very crowded considering it was a Wednesday. It wasn't raining yet but the clouds were heavy looking. However, there was a bit of sun leaking through and the werewolf took it as a good omen.

He didn't even really know what made him come here. Obviously, there was no reason for her to be at the beach, it being a school day. But he could feel it deep in his gut, pulling him closer to the crashing waves until-

Ah. There she was.

She was facing away from him, her body turned towards the ocean as she watched the water roll towards her but he knew it was her. The same way he knew that she would be here.

Her jeans looked to be two sizes too big and were rolled up to her knees to reveal her pale calves and bare feet. Her white beater was just as large and splattered with water. Her short, light golden hair curled around the nape of her neck in its dampness, which could be seen in beads running down her neck.

Before Jacob knew what he was doing, he was stumbling across the sand and to her, stopping only when he was at her side. He couldn't help but stare at her, the scenery be damned. She was all the scenery he could ever need.

"Seth, what took you so- oh." The eagerness in her cobalt eyes died as soon as they landed on him, making his heart pang slightly. Another stronger pang resounded in his chest when she stepped away from him. He had to clench his fists to his side to avoid yanking her closer.

"Seth uh told me he couldn't make it. He's um… he's sick."

Vivian rose a delicate eyebrow at Jacob before turning back to the water. "Sure," she muttered, rolling her eyes. She knew very well who this Jolly Green Giant was. Seth had talked about him nonstop since they began their timid friendship four days ago.

Not that she regretted making friends with him. It was nice to be friends with someone so genuine and sweet. After she was assured that the Jolly Green Giant wasn't in any mortal danger from jumping off the cliffs and understood that it was, after all, a sport (as Seth demonstrated when two other men jumped off the same cliff- she didn't feel that same panic), Seth was resolved to being her friend.

He had dragged her away from the water and from her friends, including a concerned/jealous-looking Dorothy, and to an ice cream stand. And even though Vivian was usually very cautious around anyone with a penis, Seth was a remarkable exception. He was her age, despite being almost a foot taller than her, considerate in a non-condescending-way, and treated her like an equal.

At the end of the day, she and Seth exchanged numbers so that they could text and keep in touch before Dorothy dragged her away with an uncharacteristic glare at the large boy.

In the days afterwards, through texting and email, Seth often brought up his friend Jacob Black, who just returned and was "really great!" After acting the way he did when she was just worried (and she dismissed how rude she was as well), she doubted very much that he could be any sort of great.

And now, here she was, on First Beach because Seth wanted to meet up with her (her mother practically died of happiness- "a boy!"). Only, instead of the cheerful Seth Clearwater, Jacob was standing beside her, clenching his fists and staring at her like he did when they first met. And she wasn't even yelling this time.

"Can I help you?" the petite blonde finally snapped at him.

He opened his mouth tell her yes- yes, she could most definitely help him. Help him find himself and help him be, once and for all, complete. None of that could be said, however, not with her lightning storm eyes flashing up at him. As beautiful as her eyes were when they darkened like that, he never wanted her to be angry. Not at him, at least.

"No, I just… wanted to deliver that message," he lamely excused. She rolled her eyes and turned back to the ocean, her expression pinched and hard. Was it normal to be this nervous around your imprint?

When Jacob didn't leave, Vivian glanced back at him from without turning her head. He was still staring at her with a kicked-puppy look about him and something similar to guilt tugged at her. She'd never admit it though and instead tried to get more annoyed.

"What?"

"I was wondering- uh, hoping that you might wanna hang out with me… y'know, in Seth's place?"

Jacob bit his lip, a habit he'd never done before, in nothing less than anxiety as he waited for an answer, studying Vivian's surprised expression. Then her face hardened again in distrust, making his heart pang again. Despite himself, he rushed to assure her.

"As friends, I mean! I know I was rude to you last time we met, but-"

"But you want to make it up to me?" Vivian cut in sarcastically. Frankly, she didn't trust Jacob Black as far as she could throw him. Besides, how could someone look at her with such contempt then turn around four days later and be nice? And hadn't she already decided that any humans on the male spectrum were untrustworthy? But then what about Seth? Sure, he was an exception and, yeah, his entire persona screamed of warmth, but wasn't he also a guy?

"I- yes… I really just want to be friends…"

Vivian tore away from her turbulent thoughts in time to see the pained expression in Jacob's face. On its own accord, her mouth opened and words came out. Words she didn't exactly want to say.

"Okay. Sure"

"I'll ju- what?" Jacob asked, black eyes widening. His jaw fell open before his smile graced his features. Warmth enveloped him at those two merciful words. Warmth that Vivian could sense from where she stood.

"Do you just want to hang out here? I don't think there's lots to do, but…" she ended with a shrug, now self-conscious under the beam Jacob was subjecting her to.

"That's fine," he eagerly replied. "Or we could go to a near-by diner. Or walk. Anything you want." He received a shrug as a response before Vivian edged away from the water and up the slope of sand. He hurried after her, though it didn't take but a few steps before he caught up to her.

Where the sand met the grass laid Vivian's flip-flops, which she scooped up without breaking stride. It looked like it was about to rain and walking in those things were a hazard. She said so when Jacob shot her a questioning glance, making him laugh, which was just as warm as his smile and soothed any doubts she had. She even offered him a tentative smile in return.

They stopped at the beginning of the trail that led to the biggest cliff. Jacob paused looking at it, then at her.

"You're not… going to cliff dive are you?" he asked, genuinely concerned. In the weather they were predicting and the height of the thing, he highly doubted it was safe.

Instead of an argument or a confirmation like he expected, she laughed.

Vivian Landcaster's laugh was an amazing thing. It wasn't soft or shy and didn't resemble a giggle or anything equally soft. It was loud, almost obnoxious, absolutely adorable, and utterly contagious. Her head was thrown back and her eyes, which were half closed in the act, twinkled. Her mouth was opened widely, not in any way self-conscious, and revealed little dimples in her cheeks. It was honest. It was beautiful. And Jacob instantly adored it.

"No, I'm not that stupid. Or that brave," Vivian finally chuckled, her laughter dying down. She wiped the water from her eyes, feeling so much better than she had since… wow. It had been a while since she had laughed like that. She sighed with a smile still playing at her plush lips and finally met Jacob's eyes.

Jacob's eyes. They were another part of him that was warm, like his smile and his laugh. In fact, Vivian found herself forgetting her vendetta against him because of it. The crinkles in his eyes made her smile more fully, less cautiously. And she thought that maybe this friendship would work.

"I just want to see the view. I was going to ask Seth but since you're here, you'll have to endure," she joked. She turned away from him with a feeling of content settling in her stomach and starting on the path.

The surrounding scenery was amazing to Vivian. There was so much green, all different shades and splashes of color every now and them. As her gazed grazed past each unnamed flower and fallen leaf, Jacob kept up conversation with her, occasionally breaking to tell her the name of a plant or spider.

"So then Quil had to go back outside- in his underwear- to give his mom a goodbye kiss in front of all his friends," Jacob finished his current tale, laughing with Vivian. "All because she wanted to get back at him for accidentally calling her fat."

"God, that's terrible," she sighed when she could finally breathe. They were almost at the top of the cliff, according to Jacob, though they had been on the trail for what felt like half an hour. Vivian didn't mind, though, considering she was finally making up for the lack of laughter in her life. When the break in the trees was visible like the light at the end of a tunnel, the petite blonde stopped and leaned against a tree. A comfortable silence settled over them

"What about you?" Jacob suddenly asked, drawing Vivian's eyes to him.

"What about me what?"

"What about your friends? You just moved here, right?" he asked. He leaned against the tree directly across from hers.

"Yeah, from Florida." She looked away. The contentedness was slowly leaving.

"Really? That's a long way."

"Yeah, my parents are insane." Vivian kicked off the tree and started back up the steep path. Jacob followed faithfully.

"Have you decided what you wanna do when you graduate?" Jacob blurted, sensing the need to change the subject and worried that she might close herself off. Viv raised an eyebrow at him.

"Not really," she admitted, shrugging. They were almost there, the light nearly blinding her. When the finally broke through the trees, the blonde sighed. The contentedness was rushing back as she observed the world before her, leaving her breathless. Jacob came up behind her, taking in the world with her.

"It's beautiful," she commented.

"Yeah." It was more of a sigh than a reply, but Vivian accepted it with a smile before straying to the edge of the cliff. The waves were dark and turbulent and crashed on the rocks below. The rain clouds seemed to have gotten even heavier since the beginning of this little adventure, complimenting the water below. Vivian stepped closer to get a better look when a pair of strong arms yanked her back from her middle.

"Ow!" she cried out, even though she was more surprised than actually hurt. The arms immediately released her and she spun around.

"Sorry," Jacob muttered sheepishly, stepping back. "You were just really close the edge."

Vivian sighed and let it go at that, too relaxed to let it bother her as it normally would. After all, she supposed as her eyes studied his repentant face, he certainly didn't seem dangerous. "It's okay," she finally muttered to him. In response he smiled and led her back towards the edge, though not as close as she was before. He then sat down and tugged her with him so that she sat close to him. Immediately, she scooted away.

The shape shifter let out a inaudible exhale. It had only been a total of about thirty minutes since she gave the OK to pursue friendship. He realized that maybe, for some reason, it was too soon to expect them to be as chummy as he'd like. There was no reason to assume that this relationship would be as steadfast and speedy as the other imprints happened to be. Time. He needed to give it time.

"This is beautiful," she repeated. He blinked himself out of his ponderings and spared a glance towards what she was talking about. She was right- the scenery was gorgeous. Despite it, though, his eyes were drawn back to her round face. It felt as though he was unable to stop from marveling at it.

Jacob made a soft sound of agreement and let silence settle softly over them.

"Can I ask why you moved?" he suddenly asked.

At that point, Vivian hadn't the slightest idea what came over her. She had been so careful and cautious in regards to information such as this. Maybe it was the wind dancing leaves around them. Maybe it was the one ray of sun peaking through the heavy clouds. But her mouth opened.

And the truth came out.

"My parents didn't approve of a relationship I was in," she blurted. Her stomach tightened at the mention. She'd never said this aloud before. She felt that, somehow, telling anyone what really happened would make it more real. Make it final. "I don't- I don't know _why_ they decided moving across the country in a small town was a good idea. Maybe because we have roots here? I dunno… but… I mean people here, in a town this small they- they… there aren't many secrets, right? Everyone knows everyone. I think that's what they wanted. A close eye on me." The shaky blonde rolled her eyes.

She meant for that to be all. Hell, she hadn't even meant to say that much. But once she started, it felt like all the pent up anger and hurt and _misery_ was suddenly breaking past the protective dam she had made for herself. And she couldn't stop it.

"God and I just… I resent it. A lot. The people here- they're nice. I like them. But _why_ couldn't Mom and Dad approve? And- and Ch- that person I was in a relationship with, I haven't heard from that person." Vivian paused to sniffle.

"Well, except an email to tell me it was over. Like I didn't figure that one out."

Jacob took it all in. He took in the parts where her voice would quiver and crack; he drank in the sight of her lightly confused expression, like she couldn't comprehend what she was saying; he even memorized the way her eyes, glassy and dark, shifted constantly as if unable to focus.

And his heart was breaking. Was she still in love? Well- duh. She was in the same boat he was in not two hours ago. Every fiber of his being protested at this, demanded that he do something- _anything_.

Instead, he nudged her with his shoulder and bit his cheek with the wisdom that he really just didn't have anything to say. Hell, what do you say to that? _I'm your soul mate so forget about him_? Somehow, he didn't think it'd go so well.

And Vivian was lost- so lost in her memories. She was lost in Chelsea, who was so beautiful, so perfect, and still so fresh in her Vivian's mind. She was caught in the laughter that would ring through the smaller girl's ears like a thousand bells and the way her eyes would darken with thick suggestion…

"Well, I think that he was an idiot for letting you go," he finally said, staring at his new reason for living with intensity. Not that she'd see his adoring expression. The only thing she could see was Chelsea. Only ever her.

"Maybe if she was a he, she wouldn't have had to let me go…"

* * *

_**Please Read:**_

_****_I hope I got to personally thank everyone for reviewing. If not, you were either anon or I accidentally overlooked you and I apologize profusely. I also want to thank everyone who's alerted or favorited this story. It means a lot.

Also! I'm sorry if this chapter is a little boring. I felt it was necessary. And a little hard to write.

I decided that I **am** going to change the name to **Clumsy Card House** because I feel that that title is a little more relevant (all will be revealed in time, rest assured) and the song suits the story.

Hope to hear your reviews, even if it's just to tell me to rewrite it.

Thank you for everything

~**Sugar**


	8. VII: Let It Go

**Chapter 7- Let It Go**

_**Why do I feel this way? Why do I kneel? How could I let her go? Why do I feel?**_

Viv

_She was above me, landing soft, wet kisses where ever she could reach- on my cheeks, on my neck, upon my eyelids, my forehead… everywhere. When I finally grew tired of waiting for her lips to touch my own, I grabbed her head and pulled it closer, guiding her mouth to meet mine. Her giggle was felt all the way from my mouth, which captured the endearing sound, to my toes, which curled at the vibrations. My head swam with her. Just her._

_The lingering scent of her vanilla lotion and her raspberry perfume assaulted my senses in the most delicious way. It was nothing less than lethal with the combination of that and the rum and butterscotch ghosted on her lips and- God, her _tongue_. She was like one of those fairy princesses that I read about, so beautiful and teasing. The only reminder that this was real and not just a made-up heaven was the sun peeking through the cracked curtains across her room._

_She murmured my name against my lips before kissing me until I was mindless with lust and love. My hands roamed the planes of her smooth shoulders, up and down her bare arms, and through her glorious dark golden curls. By the time she left my mouth, I was trembling with too much emotion. This made her smile because she loved that she could do this to me. Only her._

_Always her. She nipped at my collarbone, kissed my chin, stroked my thigh, and consumed every thought until all I could think was of her. Only ever her._

_I tried to part my lips and say how much I loved her. How beautiful she was, how I would always do anything for her. But it was her name that rolled off my tongue like a breathy caress past my lips._

"_Chelsea…"_

When my eyes cracked open, water that had been held back by my eyelids escaped with ease, trailing down the sides of my face. Despite the sadness weighing down on my chest, as it did every time I woke from a Chelsea Dream, the coolness of my tears felt nice on my fevered cheeks. I tried to breathe deeply through my nose, much to the protest of my throbbing head, but it was clogged up with fever.

I hated Jacob Black. I hated him even more when a wave of nausea rolled through my gut and forced me to roll halfway off my bed to spew in the bucket my mother left. When I was finished, I pushed the bucket away from under my nose and dragged myself back on the bed. Shortly after I settled myself on my sensitive stomach, a knock sounded at my door. I mumbled a permissive phrase.

"Sweetie?" rang my mother's soft voice, like if she spoke too loud she could break me. I hummed at her so that she knew I was up. It wasn't until her cool hands brushed the side of my face that I opened my eyes to look at her.

"How are you feeling? Any better?" she asked as her thumb swept up a tear. I blinked slowly and slightly shook my head. Her response was to frown, which was really a despairing look for someone as pretty as her. "Do you want anything?"

As much as I blamed Jacob Black for my getting sick, I was somehow thankful that I was. Here I was, grieving until I felt ill all the time, for months. It only seemed right that I be physically ill as well. The headaches seemed to suited the heartache, the chills that ran through my body matched the cold lump of dread I woke to everyday and, as much as I hated vomiting, it felt _good_ somehow- like I was purging all that grief.

That and this was the first time my mother had shown me a bit of affection since The Incident.

"Water," I croaked through a raw throat. Mom smiled earnestly then left my bedside and me to my thoughts.

Underneath the overall icky feeling from being sick, there was a ball of anxiety knotted up in my stomach. It had been there for two days, since that time spent with Jacob Black. I tried desperately to forget about the episode but it was always there, in the forefront of my mind. The feeling of completely vulnerability I felt and the way he betrayed it with a mere facial expression was especially vivid, not to mention the humiliation that poured over me like ice water when he shot up and ran.

I don't think I had ever felt so _stupid_. What the hell was I thinking, confessing a secret as big as that to someone I had known for all of thirty minutes? I should have know he'd judge. The way his face morphed into horror haunted me as much as my dreams of Chelsea and I didn't even understand why. It shouldn't have mattered whether he accepted it or not.

For some reason I couldn't fathom, though, it did matter. It mattered a lot.

"Here, Vivi- what's wrong?" gasped my mother. I didn't realize I was crying until she dropped to my side and wiped away my tears. Her hands felt so wonderful that it made me cry harder. I had lost everything because of these hands but, in the end, I realized I had yearned to be touched and loved by the owner of them. It made me feel like a child starved for love. And the way she looked at me, with concern and care, I felt that maybe I could confide in her.

"Mommy?" I whimpered.

"Sh, what is it, baby?" she cooed. "You can tell me anything."

I swallowed, though with difficulty. "I miss her, Mama," I whispered, studying my mother's face, watching the confusion flicker across her brows and the realization dawn in her hardening eyes.

"Who?" Her tone was clipped, suggesting that she knew who. I should have lied and named a family member or friend she was familiar with.

"Chelsea," came my answer, almost against my will. The way she looked away from me damn near broke my heart and might have, if it wasn't already so shattered. There were tears in her eyes as they flickered across my room. She wet her lips, sucking them into her mouth so that I couldn't see them tremble.

"Chelsea," Mom finally spat after a moment of hard silence. A breath of air that sounded almost like a bitter laugh escaped her lips. "Chelsea." She stood up, tearing her hand away from my face. I would have preferred it if she slapped me because then there'd still be a little warmth. It wasn't until she was halfway out of my room that a surge of anger sprouted in my chest and that same dam that broke two days ago began to crack through any repairs I might have made. Then, all at once, everything rushed through me like lava.

"God _damnit_, Mom!" I scrambled off my bed to face her with weak knees.

"What did you say to me?" she demanded after a moment of shocked silence.

"Why- why do you do that?" I cried. "You- you always- you always just _deny_ everything, especially me, your daughter! Why?"

"I will not be talked to like-"

"Like what? Like a mother who's practically _abandoning_ her child? And what for? What the hell for? For who she loved? Isn't it enough? Won't it _ever_ be enough?"

"Will _what_ be enough?" she cut in, finally turning to meet my burning gaze with one of her own. I could bet anything that, in that moment, we looked exactly alike. And that only made me angrier.

"EVERYTHING!" I screamed. "You tore me away from the person I loved more than life itself! Away from everything I've ever known and ever loved! Isn't that enough punishment for you and your husband? Do you have to _hate_ me, too?"

"The _person you loved_ was wrong, Vivian Anne, and if you don't start treating me with respect, so help me God!" she shouted.

"So help you God what?" I challenged, waving furiously. "If you haven't noticed? I'm already a fucking wreck, Mom! What else can you threaten me with?" Her mouth tightened and her cheeks glistened. There was a slight shake to her head before she turned around and left my room, slamming the door behind her.

"FUCK!" I cried, collapsing to the carpeted floor. I brought my knees to my chest and sobbed.

Sometime later, when I was too exhausted do much more than lay where I curled up on the floor and occasionally hiccup, a soft buzz, followed by "level up!" sounding from my nightstand somehow brought me from my misery. With a sniffle I rolled to my knees and shuffled to where my phone was lit up. It only took a second to unlock the device and pull up my messages, where an unknown number showed.

**hey viv its dot**

I smiled at the message, immediately realizing who it was, and quickly replied after wiping away the dampness that dried on my cheeks.

**Hey Dorothy. It's good to hear from you**

A minute later brought another buzz and "level up!" sound.

**Havent seen you in school**

**Haven't been in school**, I replied.

**How come?**

**Sick…**

**Are you alright?**

**I am now ;)**

I knew that I shouldn't have sent that last message but I couldn't help myself. Besides, it was the truth. Talking to her and knowing that she was worried _did_ make me feel better. For a while, it helped me feel as though I was moving on from what I felt for Chelsea. It wasn't much and I was in no way ready for a relationship yet, but this was nice. Just innocent flirting.

We continued our flirtatious texting until it was time to curl up on my bed and fall asleep. I told her it was bedtime, which she quickly replied with a "sweet dreams viv!" and then reluctantly deleted the 200 plus messages we had sent to each other, just to be safe.

It was with a drowsy smile that I fell into a Chelsea-less sleep.

It felt like I had only just closed my eyes when a knock on my door woke me. With sleep-encrusted eyes, I sat up, ignoring how the stuffed 'I Love You!' bear fell from my bed and squinted at the doorway. There stood Nick and Josh just inside my room, bringing a gut full of dread until I noticed Lisa and Dorothy behind them, just on the other side. Seeing Dorothy's spiked hair sticking up from between the door frame and Josh's shoulder made me smile despite everything.

"Hey," I croaked, then grimaced at the bad taste and probably bad smell in my mouth. None of my guests noticed, however and filed into my room. With a panicked glance around my room, I remembered my vomiting bucket and noted with relief that it was empty and clean. Dorothy did_ not_ need to know the color of my puke.

"Hey, Viv, Dorothy told us you were sick and we felt bad so… here we are," said Nick as he inched closer to me.

"That was really sweet of Dorothy," I sighed happily, aware that I may or may not have had mooneyes. No one but the girl in question seemed to take notice. They all crowded around my room and chattered. Lisa mentioned that she hoped I got better soon and Josh and Nick competed for my attention. Dorothy, however…

Dorothy just smiled at me, all warm-like.

The next day, I was feeling much better. I knew, rationally, that it was because of time and medicine, but I made believe as I stumbled in and out of the shower with a cheesy grin that Dorothy was to thank. After all, I had been worse off than I had been until she texted me. And the day after she came to visit me, bringing a little gift with her, I was better than ever. I wasn't healed completely, from either the fever or the heartbreak, but I was getting there.

Even staring at the little stuffed 'I Love You!' bear didn't hold the same pain as it used to. Instead, I was overcome with childlike giddiness when snuggling up to the little stuffed monkey that Dorothy left with me. "To remind you to get better," she had whispered loudly with a wink. And it did, especially when she sent me a flirtatious text asking me how the stuffed animal was treating me. Well, she hoped, because I deserved the best.

The next day I was back in school.

Nick looked at me stupidly as everyone else tried to hide their laughter. I rose an eyebrow at him, unsuccessfully hiding my own chuckle. It was interesting to see the heat rise into his stubbled cheeks and the cocky look in his eyes die down a little.

After being caught between Nick's and Josh's rivalry since first enrolling in Forks High School, I had finally opened my mouth during one of their arguments. It wasn't even that their arguing bothered me, but Nick's response to every barb Josh threw was to stab at Josh's sexuality. When my relationship with Dorothy, however undefined, was blooming into something most people still frowned upon, the last thing I needed was someone making gay jokes while I was holding hands under the lunch table.

So I simply told Nick that if he kept cracking jokes towards sexuality, people were going to start to get the wrong idea. Now Nick was glaring at the table while his sister patted his back through her own laughter. Dorothy squeezed my hand under the table and Josh just looked at me curiously.

From that moment on, something changed. There was a sense of peace that settled in my chest as I returned Dorothy's squeeze and nodded in Josh's direction. Nick still pouted but when he finally looked up from the table, any resentment disappeared and Lisa simply accepted the feeling of change. And suddenly I knew what that change was.

I was no longer someone invited in this group of friends. I was one of them.

* * *

**_Please Read:_**

First of all, I am SO sorry! I know that this is BEYOND late and that this is so crappy but I was rushing to get this in because of it's lateness and home is hectic. I realize that writers usually wait until later in the story to have some issue that prevents a decent chapter and I'm so SO sorry. PLEASE bare with me and don't decide not to continue this because of the quality of this. You can bitch at me in private messaging or review and tell me how much it sucks but please don't decide the story sucks because of the chapter.

Thank you so much

Sugar


	9. VIII: The Answer

**Chapter 8- The Answer**

_**Understand that God wrapped you like a bow…**_

Viv

"Who are you texting?" Mom asked from the driver's side. I heard the actual question, unasked in fear of the answer. _Who's making you smile like that?_ I looked up from my phone, sliding the keyboard closed, and attempted to fight back the grin that was making my cheeks ache.

The answer was Dorothy, who was lightly teasing me about my sparring with Nick. _**Fierce little birdie**_, she sent with a wink emoticon. But I couldn't very well tell my mother that, so I turned my head to look out the window so that she couldn't see my grin and lied.

"Josh," I muttered.

"Which one is Josh?" she pondered aloud, glancing from the road. I gave into the urge to roll my eyes.

"The blonde," I supplied. She made an "ah" sound that usually concluded a conversation with her. This time, however, she seemed on continuing.

"What about that one kid you hung out with? When you got sick?"

"Seth?" I finally looked at her, confused and angry. I had been ignoring all of Seth's phone calls and text messages simply because of his association with one Jacob Black. 'Really great' my ass, I thought to myself, scowling.

"Yeah, him. Do you still see him at school?" Mom's face was so blissfully chipper that I wanted to smash my own face into my window. After Seth, she would ask about Nick, who, despite subtly accepting me into the group today, was still a little wary. Or I assume so because he didn't follow me to the front of the school like Josh and Dorothy. Dorothy's company, however, was company I didn't mind.

"He goes to school on the reservation, Mom." It came out as a sigh and I settled for laying my head against the cold, damp window instead of smashing. Smashing would hurt.

"Ooh, so tall, dark, and handsome, eh?" she giggled. Immediately, my face heated up, though I couldn't say why. It certainly wasn't because I bore any attraction towards Seth, who, despite his size, was like a child. That phrase, though, _tall, dark, and handsome_ conjured up the image of somehow I was hell bent on despising.

I figured that it was because my mother's description really fit Jacob more than Seth, but I didn't like that it did. I didn't like that I associated Jacob Asshole-Who-Runs-Away-A-Lot Black with handsome. Because he wasn't.

He was downright pretty.

Unfortunately, Mom misread my expression and gave me another "Ooh!"

"_He's_ the one you like, huh?" I swore if she giggled like she was my age one more time, I really would smash my head into the window. Maybe end this pain.

"No, Mom," I gritted out, gnawing on my tongue lest I claim that the "one I like" was, in fact, one hundred percent female. With feminine curves and large eyes…

My mouth curved into a smile at the thought of Dorothy. It felt almost surreal that, while I hadn't exactly moved on from Chelsea, I wasn't in as much pain with someone to distract me. I didn't like to feel like Dorothy was just a rebound girl because it genuinely felt nice to be around her. It wasn't as though she was just a booty call. Hell, we hadn't even established our relationship yet.

At that, a roll of excitement made it's way through my tummy and I had to remind myself that I wasn't ready for a relationship yet.

Yet being the key word.

"I wonder who's here," my mother muttered, bringing me out of my thoughts. I lifted my head from the window and looked around as we pulled up in the drive way, spotting a short red car parked in our yard that looked to be what I imagined a Volkswagen would look like. The vehicle in no way seemed familiar but there was a pretentious feeling in the air, like a ghost of a forgotten taste.

I jumped out of the mini van and jogged to the front door. I couldn't tell what this feeling of impatience stemmed from but I instinctively knew that something significant was here.

I yanked the door open, expecting… something. Something that made me both anxious and excited. But there wasn't anyone in the living room. A wave of disappointment washed over me but I immediately perked up upon hearing my dad's chuckles coming from the kitchen. I threw my backpack on the longer couch and jogged to the kitchen, only to halt in my steps.

"Vivian," I heard in a wistful breath that sent a chill down from my chest to my stomach. My eyes brushed past my dad, who was bent over the island bar with a fat cigar in his mouth and glasses slipping down his nose as he laughed, to a familiar giant that I was too stunned to see to be angry.

Jacob Black.

"Oh, who is this," my mother asked, bringing me out of my shock. All at once, every ounce and sliver of resentment and humiliation rushed back, feeling like boiling water down my back. The nausea I had dealt with because he left me to look for his ass in the rain returned, reminding me that I wanted to wring his neck and that he most definitely was _not_ pretty.

"Hi, you must be Seth," my mother gushed, shoving past me with a proffered hand. Her cheeks were tinged pink as she brushed her hair behind her ear with her free hand. Jacob's bright smile faltered for only a second, then came back full force. It was like he was a freaking light bulb or something.

"Ah, actually, I'm Jacob Black. You must be Vivian's mother. You two look just alike," he chuckled, taking her hand, which fairly disappeared in his.

"Oh, Jacob, hm? She hasn't mentioned _you_, though I can't imagine why." Here, Mom shot me a devious wink, making my face suddenly burst into flames.

Why, I begged any listening deity. I covered my face and started to turn to leave.

"I ah, Seth was going to come but he got caught up," he explained, sounding unsure. I couldn't be too sure because I was back in the living room, picking up my abandoned backpack and drudging my way upstairs.

"Vivian!" I stopped in mid-step at my name, biting my lip to keep from groaning. I closed my eyes and breathed in as deeply as I could, then held it for ten seconds. Slowly, I let it out.

"Ma'am?" I called back, stepping back down the stairs backwards. Mom's voice popped out of the kitchen threshold with a dazzling smile that I knew was absolutely up to no good. My only defense was to keep my face blank even though my guts were twisting at the possibilities Mom was thinking up.

"Why don't you show Jacob you're room, hmm?" Then her face hardened in mock severity. "But keep your door open. I'll be checking, Vivian Anne."

I rolled my eyes to the ceiling, once again begging the gods for help. Lightening or hellfire or something. I didn't care what.

"Vivian?"

My eyes fell back to the kitchen threshold where Mom had exited all the way so that Jacob could get by. Jacob was… he was staring. His dark face tinged with warmth and awe as his eyes held my gaze prisoner. When I finally blinked, his gaped mouth transformed into a smile, making his face that much warmer until I couldn't help but return it. My only consolation was that my smile was tight and sardonic.

Too bad it didn't faze him any.

"Remember, keep your door open," interrupted my Mom as she brushed between us and went into the kitchen.

Jacob stepped closer to me, though he was still a few feet away, without looking away from me. I averted my gaze, blushing for reasons I wasn't sure of myself. To make myself feel better, I rolled my eyes and tightened my grip on the strap of my bag that hung over one of my shoulders.

"C'mon," I grumbled, once again ascending the stairs. Half way up I checked behind me to see if he was there since I didn't hear his footsteps, but, there he was, only three steps behind me. I flushed at the close proximity and skipped a step to make up for the distance. I could feel the smile on the back of my head.

I shuffled down the hall and stopped in front of my closed door, which had been painted white for "artistic purposes" upon my older brother's request. I took this time to consider things, staring at the blotchy white. When I made up my mind, I snapped my glare to fight Jacob's undeterred grin.

"Don't try anything," I scowled before opening the door and stiffly entering.

After jumping on the end of my bed and getting comfortable, I studied the unwanted guest as he took his time taking in everything in my room. I watched as his dark eyes grazed the blank walls, only interrupted with mirrored vanity table that was littered with various sheet music and books, and my dresser that was littered with little knickknacks. My walls were kept blank and white, mostly because I had been too depressed to do anything with it. Everything reminded me of home in Gainesville and, in turn, of Chelsea. All my pictures, posters, and plaques were still in boxes in my closed closet.

His eyes finally landed on my bed and I, which was made neatly with it's smooth metal frame, blue tie-dye blankets, and the 'I Love You!' bear perched next to the 'Kiss Kiss!' monkey. When his eyes finally met mine again and probed, they looked almost sad. Embarrassed, I lowered my stare to the ground.

"So uh," I began, running a hand through my short hair. "What made you visit?" I almost looked up at his sigh but I refused. I kept my eyes glued to the ground, thank you very much.

"I couldn't handle the guilt anymore."

I expected a lot of things. Excuses, snide comments, jokes… anything but guilty honesty. And it was apparent that guilt was exactly when I managed to peek back up at him. He was running his hands through his chin-length hair and his eyebrows were furrowed.

"Why?"

He looked up before shrugging. "It was pretty un-cool of me, running away when you revealed something like that." I bit my lip. He was probably just a nice guy trying to appease his guilt. Granted, I hadn't the slightest idea of who would have literally ran away at something like that but…

"I forgive you," I finally sighed, reverting back to not looking at him. I closed my eyes against the rejection I was feeling- rejection that I couldn't fathom where it came from. Or why it was there. It shouldn't have mattered whether he wanted to apologize because he felt bad or because he wanted to be my friend. I didn't forgive and forget. I held on to grudges and feelings. Pride demanded it.

Besides, I was a freak of nature- unnatural, as I had been called by my father when he first found out about Chelsea and I.

"It's not that easy," came his husky voice, awfully close to me. When I opened my eyes, he was crouched next to me, looking up pleadingly. Pleading for what, though? I already told him I forgave him, regardless of how hurt and angry I still was.

"Why not?"

"Because…" His voice was nothing more than a whisper as he appeared to search the depths of my soul. I flushed at the cheesy thought. "Because I enjoyed hanging out with you. I feel… sort of connected, you know? Not- not like that!" he rushed to assure as my eyes widened in panic. "I just want to be friends. But I _do_ want to be friends…"

Another, more unexpected, heat wave of anger rushed over me. I realized it was irrational- I had just been feeling rejected, hadn't I? But this man had destroyed any trust I might have had put in him. And I got sick from looking for him in the forest.

"I'm sorry, Jacob," I started venomously, "but I'm alr-"

"Vivian! Is your friend staying for dinner?" Son of a bitch, Mom, I growled in my head, glaring at the floor where her voice had waffled up. I opened my mouth to say no- Jacob Black most definitely was _not_ going to stay for dinner. But Jacob gave me a kicked puppy look and-

"Yes, ma'am," I called back begrudgingly. Only because I didn't want to be rude. I _was_ raised with manners, after all. Not at all comfortable or satisfied with my reasoning, I scooted back on my bed, away from where Jacob was still crouching. In response, he stood up with a tentative smile.

"So friends?" he asked sheepishly.

I paused. I had easily accepted his offer of friendship before, though the reason had been another thing that eluded me- was it just me or was I a complete idiot when it came to one Jacob Black?

That was a terrifying thought.

"We tried that," I decided to point out, emphatically ignoring the hurt on his face this time. I'm not a good person, I chanted.

"Please."

"I don't feel comfortable with that, Jacob," I softly said. And it was true. It was dangerous for me to be so comfortable with someone I hadn't known long at all, comfortable enough to tell him my darkest secret. Even more so when they betrayed that foolish trust. "Please understand, Jacob- and don't tell anyone."

"I won't." His lighthearted tone took me by surprise. His smile was downright shocking. "But I won't give up either, Vivian." Warmth spread throughout my limbs, coloring my cheeks. And I didn't like it.

Not at all.

"Dinner's ready!" carried my mother's voice, interrupting the stare-down Jacob and I had going. Disliking the determined gleam in his eyes, I promptly avoided them as I hopped up from my bed and brushed past him.

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_**PLEASE READ:**_

_****_I want to once again apologize for taking so long to update and the poor quality of the chapter. I can honestly say that I **didn't** rush this time, but I still feel like it's lacking. I also would like to thank everyone who's reviewed, favorited, and alerted this story. It means so much to me. I pretty much fall off my bed or out of my chair when I get the notices and read the reviews.

Thank you to my very own imprint, **Spyro Flavord Skittles **for helping me with this chapter -_-;. I know where I want to go with the story, I just have issues on how to break it all up. And with content. Insert self depreciating chuckle here...

anyway, I hate to ask, but please review and tell me what you genuinely think? Thank you so much!

Much love,

**Sugar**


	10. IX: Chills

**Chapter 9- Chills**

_**Why you gonna say goodbye when you know you're gonna come with me?**_

Viv

Dinner with Jacob Black was awkward- painfully so. As he shoveled food into his mouth, pausing only to converse with my parents by means of making them laugh or simply further charming, I sat next him, across from my mother who shot me approving looks, trying to crawl inside myself. I already knew what my parents thought of him- he was beautiful and he was bright and, damn it, he was downright enchanting. Throughout the painful meal, I found my stoic expression trying to give way to his jokes and his ultimate sweetness.

"So Jacob, how old are you?" my father asked after he and his wife finished their most recent bout of chuckles.

"Nineteen, sir," Jacob answered politely. That was another thing that infuriated me about Jacob. He was always so polite, always "ma'am"ing and "sir"ing my old-fashioned parents. I toyed with the thought that I might have actually liked Jacob a little if he could have at least made my parents dislike him. But seeing their appreciative smiles and nods got under my skin.

"Vivian, honey, you've hardly eaten," my mother suddenly commented after my father's appraisal of how mature Jacob seemed (gag me, I had thought, rolling my eyes). Much to my discomfort, Jacob's eerily dark eyes landed on me- I didn't even have to look at him to know; I could feel them probing.

I set the tomato-sauce-incrusted fork down and lightly pushed the plate of spaghetti away before smiling weakly at my mother in excuse. My hands found their way to my lap, where they fidgeted under Mr. Tall-Dark-Handsome's stare. Not that he would ever know that he was the source of my discomfort- and lack of appetite.

"I understand if you're dieting, Vivian, but really, you should do it in a healthy way," Dear Old Mom continued when I didn't answer. Huh, I didn't think my face could get that hot, I thought, bowing my head to attempt to hide my embarrassment. I had never thought of myself as fat- nor had I ever dieted. I wanted to open my mouth and tell her- something. I didn't know what. But with the disapproving look Dad was sending both our ways made me flush harder and quickly reconsider. I didn't think that my face could heat up anymore.

"Oh, Jacob, if only you knew how much this girl could put down!" Nope, my face could most definitely get hotter. "Why, she eats more than you!" she chuckled.

I didn't know if I wanted to join in or cry. I didn't know what reaction was expected out of me, so I simply didn't react. Just like Jacob, who was stiff next to me. I'm sure he was too sweet to find my mother's joking about my weight funny but too polite to outright say so. Or defend me.

Not that I wanted him to. That would be incredibly perverse, considering that I wanted nothing to do with him. If the adoration on my parents' faces were any indication, however, then what I did or didn't want had no baring.

Especially with my mother.

After finishing the last noodle on his third plate, Jacob finally sighed with content that I actually envied. He sat back from the island and caught my eye before finally announcing that it was time he left.

"I have to go to work soon," the giant explained. Mom and Dad slipped off the barstools and looked at me to do the same.

"I'm so glad that you dropped by," gushed my mother, going around my dad and the table to shake Jacob's hand with enthusiasm. "You can come over anytime you like, Jacob. I'm just so glad Vivian is making friends!"

No, I thought with a glower at Jacob's smile, Vivian is _not_ making friends- not with Jolly Green here. The glare that met his beaming happiness indicated as such but he didn't seem to be bothered with it.

"I appreciate it, Mrs. Landcaster," he returned with astounding warmth, though his dark eyes never left mine; "and I hope to visit again soon." He pulled away from her and moved like he was coming towards me. In response, I stepped back. His arms, which were only slightly raised, dropped to his side and he grinned guiltily, settling for a defeated shrug.

"Vivian! Walk him out, will you?" I shot a glare towards my father, which he didn't catch, and rigidly obeyed the command, sidestepping the proximity of Mom and Jacob and leading out the kitchen, through the living room, and stopping at the front door. It was only then that I turned to see if Jacob had followed, which he had done so closely.

His never ending smile was starting to infuriate me. The idea that it would be a constant source of distress seemed hauntingly likely. At my appraising stare, it only widened. I narrowed my eyes and yanked the door open, hoping to make it obvious that I didn't want him around. After emphatically glancing at the threshold and back to his wince, I saw that I did indeed make it plain. The grimace didn't last long, though, and in mere seconds, he was back to being a ray of sunshine that glided- not walked but _glided_-through the door.

It was too much hope that he'd simply leave. On his way out, he grabbed my free hand and pulled me with him, and since my other hand hadn't left the doorknob, the door swung shut behind me.

"What. The hell. Is your problem?" I gritted out. The curving of his lips fell but in no way took the warmth from his eyes, which scanned my reddening cheeks.

"I meant what I said," Jacob husked, bending close to me. What had he said? I racked my brain trying to remember, but it was suddenly feeling quite sluggish. What had he meant that made his eyes so soft?

He stepped back and I felt cold air rush around me, making me realize how warm Jacob was. God, I was dizzy.

Jacob must have sensed it because he grabbed my elbow to help steady me- why hadn't I realized I was swaying? I gathered my wits around me and yanked my arm from him with a glower.

"I don't care what you meant," I snapped in response. "You should leave."

Just like that, he was back to beaming and stepped away, waving as he walked backwards to his Volkswagen-like car. When he finally turned to climb inside, the thought struck me that he really looked too… big… for such a tiny car.

Before he drove off, I slipped back inside the house and secreted myself up to my room. Without pause, I leaped onto my bed, automatically reaching for any source of comfort to draw to my chest. C'mon, Viv, there's no cause to be so… so _shaken_, I tried to reason with myself. But there was a reason, and that reason was Jacob Black. He in himself was the perfect justification to be so scared.

There, I admitted it. Jacob Black terrified me. Not because he was mean or menacing, but because he was the exact opposite. And I would never get over how _easy_ it could be to simply trust him, even after he betrayed that trust. There was just this sense comfort around him, something that told me that he'd be the very best friend I could ever want, if only I'd let him. If I was being honest, that was the very reason why I would never allow him in.

Jacob may have physically ran away that day on the cliff, but after telling him such a secret, it was me who built up a wall and ran into hiding.

"Level up!"

I sat up, vaguely noticing that my source of comfort turned out to be the 'I Love You' bear, and scanned my room in search of my phone, only to feel the vibration on my thigh. After wrestling the device from my pocket and flopping on my back, I unlocked my phone and checked the text message.

_Seth: _**there's a bonfire Friday night. You down? ;)**

I blinked incomprehensively at the message, trying to understand what it could possibly mean. I knew he was great friends with Jacob- but I couldn't see why that would matter at all. On impulse, I exited out of the message and started writing one to Dorothy.

**I got invited to a bonfire Friday. Come with me?**

Two seconds later brought Dorothy's eager reply.

**I'd love to! Who invited you?**

With that in mind, I finally replied to Seth's message with the affirmative, minus the possibly dire information that I was dragging my love interest along. Just in case.

**Great! First beach. Will you need to be picked up?**

**Nope**, was my simple reply. With a second thought, I followed with a smiley face so that I didn't sound as ungrateful. I decided not to wait for a reply and threw my phone onto the floor, then dragged my stuffed bear back to my chest.

Sometime later, a knock sounded from my door. I opened my eyes to see my mother smiling in that gentle way that made me feel like a kid again. I returned the smile then sat up. She walked in and to my bed, where she sat gently next to me. I was trying to tell if the silence that settled over us was awkward or comforting when Mom finally spoke.

"He's nice."

"I guess."

"You don't think so?" She sounded so surprised that I had to smile sardonically.

"I like Seth better," I replied, intended as a taunt. A wave of self-directed irritation rolled through me as soon as the words left my mouth because I instinctively knew she wouldn't sense the sarcasm. At least, until she smiled with relief, making my heart ache and my eyes burn.

"Really? What's Seth like?" The excitement in my mother's voice was both soothing and irritating. I didn't want her to be happy about some _boy_. But I was glad that she was happy- with me.

"Like Jacob, just nicer. And not old," I replied frowning. Actually, this wasn't a bad idea, I conceded. If she thought I liked some _male_, then I'd be home free with Dorothy, who I really liked. A lot. Thinking of her now and how excited I was about Friday warmed my cheeks, which my mother mistook.

"Aw, you have it bad, don't you?" she ragged, nudging me with her elbow.

"No," I protested, knowing that it was what I was supposed to do.

"Mhm, sure. So what about Mr. Black, then? He's pretty smitten with you," she giggled like she was my age. I had to bite my tongue to keep from gagging.

The ongoing week was long. Though I spent excessive time with Dorothy, with whom I had begun to be careless around, flirting with her openly, I was ready for it to end. From the morning after dinner with Jacob to the Friday I was supposed to go to the bonfire, the said giant had made his presence known. Every. Day.

Tuesday, I came home to him pulling up just as Mom was. She was, of course, delighted to see him, not at all thinking it the slightest bit creepy. He climbed out of his car, which _really_ looked too small for him, and met me at the front door, which I had reached after Mom had practically ran inside the house.

Wednesday, he called from Seth's phone, which I stupidly answered, thinking that Seth was cancelling on me. Instead, Jacob's husky voice answered my "Hello?" with a "hey" that made me stumble in mid-stride towards Mom's waiting vehicle. When I demanded to know what he wanted, he told me that he only wanted to see how school went- which was badly, but I wasn't about to tell him that Dorothy didn't talk to me because she found out it was Seth who invited me to the bonfire.

Thursday, Jacob showed up again at the house, but was expected because Mom had requested his presence the day before when she found out who I was talking to on the phone. By then I was angry enough to pull my hair out- if not his, and dragged him outside to call him all kinds of asshole. He just looked at me like a kicked puppy until it was time for dinner, and then proceeded to attempt to be at my beck and call the rest of his visit, which included pulling out my chair, opening doors, and generally hovering until I was ready to pull my own hair out.

Friday was the last straw. It was a great day at school, since Dorothy was no longer cross with me. She had even gone as far as stealing a chaste kiss when no one was around. I was still grinning sappily on my way out of the school, not even caring if my mother decided to cross-examine me, when a honk and a yell of my name brought my attention to an annoyingly familiar red car.

That was it.

I stomped to the vehicle- a Rabbit, Jacob had mentioned once, one that he had built himself- and yanked the passenger door open so that I could talk to him easily.

"Why. Are. You. Here?" I demanded tightly.

"Seth asked me to pick you up…" He had the kicked puppy dog look that was increasing it's effect rather than losing it. I was too terrified to dwell on what that could mean.

"I told him I didn't need I ride," I growled. Jacob flinched and I felt guilty again. Could it really hurt to get a ride? Honestly, what could happen? I scoffed at that thought because the answer was clear- a lot. I was already struggling with keeping my guard up around him and spending time with him alone in a car would only increase that struggle.

One thing to be said about Jacob Black was that he was persistent.

Instead of offering any likely excuses, he simply shrugged as if to say 'that's life' and gestured to the seat I was hovering over. "'Sides, your mom agreed to let me pick you up from school." I winced at that. It was a really dirty move, bringing my mother into this. The worst part was that I wasn't sure if I was angry with either of them

I yanked my backpack off my shoulders and clambered into the car, then fairly slammed the door. Jacob flinched at the sound but said nothing about it. I studied his expression for any sense of triumph that I could strip him of, but there was none. In fact, his lips were drawn in a tight line and his eyes were solemn, and I couldn't for the life of me understand why there was no satisfaction in his unhappiness.

"Are you okay?" came my timid voice, a little more high pitched than I intended or liked. The corner of his mouth quirked a bit and gave me some mysterious relief that I didn't bother to analyze.

"I am now," he muttered softly. Neither of us said anymore after that.

* * *

**_PLEASE READ:_**

**__**So.. Hey. Sorry again for this taking so long. I actually have a legitimate excuse this time though! I went out of town to visit my mother, which honestly just consisted of my brother and I hanging out at the apartment driving each other batshit crazy the entire day. There wasn't any internet and after the first few days, my phone broke. I don't think I've ever been as relieved as I am now to be back!

Anyway, that's my reasoning. I forgot last chapter to thank RMJ because this person is an amazing human being who has faithfully reviewed.

Not that I'm hinting or anything...

But, seriously, thank you all for reviewing, reading, and alerting my story. And favoriting. You're all amazing human beings.

Sorry for the shortness! And lack of action. And the general poor quality. Next chapter is in Jacob's point of view.


	11. X: My Never

**_INSERT DISCLAIMER HERE..._  
**

* * *

**Chapter 10- My Never**

_**And I can only dream of you and sleep but I never see sunlight again.**_

Jacob

I only had to take one look at this _Dorothy _-which was a stupid name- to know that she was competition- plain and simple. No, it wasn't that simple. I had never before wanted to rip into a female out of jealousy before I met Dorothy Boreas- which was an even stupider full name. And when I say that I wanted to rip into her, I meant by jumping on her and tearing her limb from limb for looking at _my_ Vivian with starry eyes that were, frankly, too similar to my own.

And that wasn't even the extent of it. She had to take Vivian's hand and lead her to my car with a possessive glare that she had no right wearing and showered affection that could be mistaken for nothing else. If the bitch kept it up much longer, then I'd have to run into the woods to phase.

At the moment, Dorothy was cuddled close to my imprint in the backseat, since Vivian had opted to sit in the back with her, smirking smugly into the rearview mirror. I couldn't tell if Vivian was aware of the challenges her _love interest_ (and I blanched at this title) were throwing at me. Or maybe it was truly just me and my wolf's instinct taking it as such, considering a second after the look she threw me, she was giggling at something Vivian said.

I had known from the very beginning that this wasn't going to be easy. It was pretty obvious considering that saying I wasn't exactly my soul mate's type was a bit of an overstatement and that she no longer trusted me. In fact, I was hell bent on being miserable for the rest of my life until _Seth_ of all people, explained in clear-cut terms that I was nothing but a sorry, stupid son of a bitch.

My hands gripped the steering wheel as I recalled how Seth had walked up to me after finally getting fed up with my moping around for four days and punched me in the jaw.

"What the hell?" I had growled, already trembling and ready to phase. To say I had been on edge since running from my imprint would have been putting it lightly.

"I'd like to know that myself, Jacob!" was the response I got. Before I could grit out my own retort, he continued, throwing another punch. "She hasn't answered any of my texts or calls since you ran out on her and- damn it, Jacob, what if something's wrong?" he had demanded, catching the edge of my chin with his knuckles.

At the panic that had had me collapsing under the very weight of it, I finally understood: this wasn't something that I could fight.

Another giggle elicited from my enemy's lips brought me back to reality in time to see the grin that Vivian was giving that bitch. The very sight of it made me sigh in yearning. The only sort of look I got from her were glares and tight little smiles. Believe me when I said that I regretted ever running from her.

I pulled into a free space when we reached the beach and shut off the car, then turned to look at Vivian- completely ignoring that Dorothy was even there, laying her head on my imprint's shoulder.

"We're here…" I started, but had to stop when my blonde lifted her smile from Dorothy to me. Her eyes were a lighter shade than normal- and I would know considering how much time I spent staring into them when she wasn't looking- and her dimples were more pronounced than with her normal expression.

"Already?" asked the munchkin. Again, I ignored the squirt in favor of offering my 1000 Watt Smile to my favorite person, who thankfully wasn't looking nearly as disappointed as my nemesis. In fact, despite the fading smile, Vivian looked almost stunned under my smile, which really only made it widen before I finally climbed out of the vehicle. As I did so, I could hear the brunette whisper conspiratorially, "I don't like how he looks at you, Viv…"

That's great, I thought menacingly, because I _hate_ how you look at her. I chuckled to myself as I opened the car door, apparently unexpectedly, seeing as how the pair jumped at the sudden motion.

"You gettin' out?" I could feel the smug look on my face so it wasn't surprising when all traces of amusement and contentment left my Vivian's face- lack of surprise didn't make it any less unsettling.

Vivian crawled out of the car, mumbling a 'thank you' without actually looking at me. That was one thing that both irritated and amused me about the petite blonde. No matter how much she may have disliked me, she was never outright rude. Sure, there were moments when she was painfully frank, but for the most part she was polite, though it never seemed like a conscious thing.

She turned and held out her delicate hand to help the badly named bandit out of my Rabbit and didn't let go. It was difficult, but I kept my mouth shut and walked away, leading them over the slickly greened slopes and towards the crowed of wolves and imprints. As we got closer, I could see Seth perk up and turn around with a grin. He rushed over to us, so I stopped.

He didn't, though, and went straight past me and scooped up Vivian into his arms.

"Viv, you spazz!" he cried, twirling her around. At her giggling, I growled, jealousy surging through me. How did _Seth_ get to touch her like that, get to make her laugh? It wasn't until Seth set a very dizzy Vivian down that I noticed that Toto was silently fuming with her glare set on Seth. That pretty much wiped out any hard feelings I had toward the younger werewolf and left room for gratitude. Besides, I knew Seth wouldn't touch my imprint with questionable intent and if he could make Dorothy-Bad-Name angry, then I'd be more than willing to set aside my own envy.

"Whoa, Seth," Vivian giggled as she tried to steady herself. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you missed me."

"I wouldn't have missed you so bad if you didn't _ignore me_ for four days!"

"Oh, I was busy- I'm sorry," the blonde apologized. She was just too cute with her cheeks heating up like they were. She looked truly repentant and it made me want to take her in my arms and kiss all the apology out of her. That was completely irrational, I had to remind myself.

"Too busy for your favorite person?" scoffed Seth, who seemed unwilling to forgo his merciless teasing. Another stab of jealousy panged through me.

"I- ah, I was-"

"She was sick," cut in the munchkin, slipping her hand around my imprint's and glaring up at Seth. Seth's brightness drained from his face as he glanced from Dorothy, to Vivian, then, finally, to me. I could see the question in his eyes like I could feel the agitation in mine. But then her words registered and both our gazes snapped back to the girls.

"You were sick?"

"For four days?"

"What?"

"How?"

"Very eloquent," added Dorothy dryly. Really, I mentally begged Vivian, what do you see in _that_?

"I got… caught up in the rain Wednesday," Vivian finally supplied without looking up. I could feel Seth's accusing stare on my face but I couldn't worry about that. I was too busy being buried alive by my own guilt. She was sick? For _four_ days? It was absolutely no wonder that she refused to patch things up with me! I got her sick when I was supposed to protect her from harm. I opened my mouth to say how sorry I was and I could feel my muscles reflexively start to strain towards her.

"So are you two a thing or something?" Instead of looking at Seth, who had asked the question out of mere curiosity and, I sensed, a means to change the subject, I kept my eyes on my imprint and noticed the slight widening of her eyes as the deep blues darted from the younger werewolf her hand linked with Dorothy's. She tugged her hand away and brought it to her chest, avoiding Dorothy's stunned expression.

"N-no, we're just really good friends," she lamely lied. "You know how us girls can be…" The Wicked Witch's expression was… wow, even I pitied her. Well, almost pitied her. There might have been a twinge.

Seth shrugged in answer and gave me a look that seemed to say _had to ask_. I rolled my eyes at that before gesturing towards the crowd who was now looking curiously at us. Rather than have any more of the wolves come and embarrass my imprint further, I figured we'd better start the night.

"We still have about an hour before it gets dark," I hinted, "so we can meet everyone and hang for a little before we start the actual bonfire." With that said, I started towards my pack without waiting for them to follow me. As I strode towards the waiting group, I could hear Seth say, "This is gonna be interesting…"

As we reached the pack, everyone seemed to simultaneously decide to forget to retrain themselves and launched into immediate conversation, picking themselves off the scattered lawn chairs, towels, and thick logs that surrounded the pile meant for the later fire.

"Hey, you must be Vivian," started Quil, who was grinning mischievously. He held out his hand for the suddenly cowed blonde. I felt a twinge of sympathy as she hesitantly offered her own hand, which Quil snatched and pulled her into a hug. Was that an '_eep_'?

"Shove off, Quil," started Embry, yanking to wolf in question by his shoulder. When there was finally space between Quil and Vivian, he offered his own hand, along with apologies that made me like him more than Quil at the moment. "I'm sorry about Quil, Viv. He's an imbecile. I'm Embry, Jake's right-hand-man. Lemme tell you, he _never _shuts up about yo-"

"Shut it, Em!" I started, trying to get a hold to pull him away.

"Shut up, Jacob! Hi- Vivian right? I'm Jared. Ignore those three- they're pretty much the dynamic trio- without the dynamics, of course."

She managed a weak hello, but I saw that she was no longer offering her hand. I should have realized that everyone would crowd around her like this. A new imprint was a very exciting thing for everyone, especially mine, for obvious reasons. There was even a bet going on, courtesy to Embry and Quil.

"Everyone calm down!" Sam boomed. I shot him a grateful look, but he didn't catch it. He was too busy staring down the wolves who hadn't had the chance to harass my imprint. When they bowed out under his gaze, he suddenly smiled and sauntered past everyone to Vivian, by whom I was standing next to.

"I hope you enjoy tonight," greeted Sam, holding out his hand to shake. She hesitantly took it, still looking spooked.

"Th-thank you…" she murmured, eyes swiveling to me. My sheepish grin must have told her something because she narrowed her eyes as her hand dropped to her side. My response was a shrug that seemed to mollify her- for now.

"C'mon, Viv, I'll take you and your friend to meet everyone- calmly this time," offered Seth. Seth put his hand on her back and steered her through the crowd of people. Dorothy, looking more lost than even Vivian, shuffled behind them.

I didn't bother to listen to the introductions made but I watched her with an absent mind as she interacted with the pack- my pack. Upon meeting everyone who was so huge next to her tiny frame- she really was so tiny- she seemed uncomfortable but there she was, smiling despite obviously frayed nerves, shaking the hands of my people, even speaking in her soft tones at some points.

"She's cute," came Quil's voice as he snuck up to my left side.

"Cute doesn't even cut it," Embry chuckled, taking my right side.

"She's perfect," I sighed. I could feel the sappy grin, could sense the ribbing that was sure to come but none of that held a candle to the truth of my words.

Vivian was perfect.

"Who's her friend," broke in Embry. Sharply, I turned my head to him. Her friend? Then I remembered. The flying monkey who acted like she had a right to be in love with my imprint.

"Who do you think?" I sighed miserably.

"It can't be the chick that dumped her, right? That was the reason she ended up in Good Ol' Forks," came Embry's reasoning.

"So is this a new chick? I mean, bro, she looks at Vivian with the same expression you do," Quil continued.

"Don't remind me," I groaned, watching as Dorothy trailed after Vivian, fading into the background as everyone shook the blonde's hand and mentioned how great it was to meet her, then asking who her friend was. I could sense the trepidation in this outsider, this girl who had no right to be here.

"So what are you going to do?" came the million dollar question. Quil didn't need to add "if she's actually gay, you don't have a chance in hell unless you undergo some major surgery." The worst part was that Quil wasn't even joking, and that made me want to curl up on the ground and cry. My situation seemed truly hopeless.

"No, look," Embry butted in, studying my stricken expression, "it isn't a total lost cause. You keep forgetting that you're meant to be together. Seriously, Jake- imprint? It's basically a bitch-slap from fate!"

That managed to make me feel a little better, though not by much. Especially when looking at the way Vivian clutched behind her for her minion when it seemed that she was getting overwhelmed.

"So now that you know everyone, we can get started," hinted Seth not-so-subtly after Vivian shook Emily's hand, who was holding up a squirming Claire. I edged closer with my right-hand men flanking me for support. That's not to say that they hadn't ribbed me mercilessly before this and wouldn't continue to do so after the bonfire was over. They just respected the current situation in it's fragility.

"Sounds great," Jared enthused, slinging an arm over Kim, whom Vivian had met just before Emily. By now, it was finally dark.

No one needed to hint at food twice in a crowd of werewolves. We rushed to line up at Emily, who was passing out sticks and hotdogs while Sam set up the fire. We usually let the women in the pack fix get what they wanted before us, if only because we consumed everything they left, but Emily had earlier portioned out our first helpings ("Only three for the first go," she had announced) so that the non-werewolves could get their fill as well.

It wasn't until I saw the Tin Man shuffle behind me that I noticed that Vivian wasn't in line. I glanced around and saw her by herself outside of the circle of makeshift seats that bordered the now burning fire, huddled in her jacket. She was facing the rolling waves with her arms crossed like she was trying to keep herself warm. If I looked closely enough, I could see faint shivers running through her tiny frame, despite the oversized jacket falling past her thighs.

Without much thought, I dived into the sea of wolves and stole four dogs and two sticks, mouthing Vivian's name at Emily's disapproving glare, then crawled out.

I shuffled to wear my imprint was. She didn't notice me coming up behind her, which allowed me the time to simply appreciate the way the wind teased the locks of light golden hair at the nape of her neck and the way the moon reflected on every tress; the way she looked younger than she was with her oversized jacket and too-large jeans; and the way she stood like she was trying to make herself disappear.

"I stole you a hotdog," I finally mentioned, enjoying the way she jumped at my voice. It made me want to curl her up in my arms and rock her against my chest. She looked at me with a turn of her head with a blank expression.

"I- thank you but I'm not really hungry."

I shuffled to stand next to her so that I wouldn't give in the urge to pull her to me and held out one of the hotdogs.

"Well then take it so I won't get in trouble with Emily."

Vivian finally looked at me fully with curiosity in the pits of her eyes. "Why would you get in trouble with Emily?"

"I took an extra hotdog than what we're supposed to get," I laughed. I offered her one of the hotdogs again. Her cautious gaze held mine while she took the offering and the stick that I shoved in her direction.

"Thank you…" She finally looked away to busy herself with piercing the meat and refused to look back up. If it wasn't for the faint blush I found on her cheeks beneath the moonbeams, I would have thought she was irritated. But, no, she was just flustered. This knowledge made me grin wider.

"What do you think of everyone?"

"They're…" She hesitated to continue and I laughed. Her indignant glare only succeeded in making me laugh harder.

"Don't worry about it, Viv," I chuckled, "I know they're a hand full."

"I was gonna say _nice_," she growled, but when I looked at her I could see the smile tugging at the corners of her plush mouth. Could this be a truce? Was it possible that after tonight, she'd no longer be angry with me? That I could somehow make up to her the betrayal and the sickness and prove to her that I was there to stay, whether she liked it or not?

"Uh-huh, _nice_. Sure. I believe that."

"Oh shut up!" she exclaimed, finally laughing. It wasn't quite _my_ laugh, like that beautiful day at the base of the cliff. It wasn't nearly as carefree and her eyes didn't have the same twinkle, but it was beautiful nonetheless.

"What? I'm just saying that I wouldn't exactly go as far as to call them _nice_," I teased.

"And why not, Jakey-poo?" I _oof_ed as someone fell into me from behind, nearly making me face-plant into the sand.

"Damn it, Quil," I growled, spinning around to face the perpetrator who was grinning like a maniac. Before I could lunge at him, he whirled around and ran away, scooping up Claire on the way.

"Just you wait!" I called to his back.

"Amazing."

"Huh?" I turned back to my Vivian, who was smiling warmly after Quil who was bent at the waist so that Claire was almost upside down against his bent knees and blowing raspberries against her belly. It was a sweet picture. She looked back up to me, her eyes widening at my noncommittal question and flushed.

"I- uh amusing- they're amusing. Um D-Dorothy looks lost." And just like that, she was gone, rushing towards a lost looking munchkin.

And I _really_ hated Dorothy Boreas.

* * *

_**PLEASE READ:**_

_****_Hey guys 3 Thank you all who has reviewed, favorited, and alerted my story. You're angels.

I've been asked about the ages and time line in the story and I realized that I'm legitimately stupid and I apologize, so thank you **Evelyn Brair Black **for correcting me. I pretty much took all the Twilight books and made them into years. I didn't remember- or maybe realize- that the last like three books were one year. Pretty exhausting year if you ask me. Anyway, I'm** not** going to change anything and I wanted to let you guys know that Jacob is still **19** and I don't know why, but I thought that Seth was a lot younger (like I said, I'm actually really stupid). I would feel traitorous to the story if I changed major details now so, I just wanted you guys to know that -_-; If I tried to change it, I'd end up getting lost

Thank you guys **so much** for your infinite patience with me- you're angels to me 3 Please don't give up! One more "filler" chapter and then things will start getting chaotic- uh, I mean _interesting._

__With much love and adoration

-Sugar


	12. XI: It's Just Me

**_INSERT DISCLAIMER HERE..._**

* * *

**Chapter 11- It's Just Me**

_**I forget the reasons I got scared but remember that I care quite a lot.**_

Viv

Jacob Black was making it very difficult for me to hate him. Not that I'd ever admit that to anyone. It was just that he was so sunny without even trying and when I wasn't focused solely on disliking him then I accidentally started enjoying his company. He was like an old friend that I hadn't seen in years with whom nothing had changed. And it didn't help that he did little things that made him that much more likable. Like when he brought me the hotdog.

I didn't intend on getting in the line, let alone eating, but then Jacob went and stole me an extra dog despite the possibility of him getting in trouble for it- not that Emily looked like she could be anything but sweet. After he handed me the hotdog and a stick, he managed to melt down the walls I struggled hard to keep up when he was around in all of five minutes, if even that. When I realized what he was doing, I rushed to Dorothy, who I could tell was a little more than miffed at me.

Not that I blamed her.

As soon as I was by her side, her lost expression drained away to show only her displeasure. I knew why she was angry but she wouldn't outright confront me about it- not around all these strangers. Instead, she pointedly glared at my speared hotdog, lifting up her own stick.

"I got this for you because I know you don't like crowds. I guess you don't need it now, though."

"Why didn't you get you one?" I asked gently. I knew she was angry. I knew she was dying to ask why Jacob got me food or why he drove us here or why he paid so much attention to me. I had no answers unless I wanted to indulge in disturbing vanity about how Jacob could have possibly felt about me, which I wasn't willing to do. That possibility was even scarier than how comfortable I felt with him around.

"I'm not hungry," she muttered almost whiningly. Her large eyes looked at me uncertainly with a watery gleam over them and her hair was messed up because of her running her hands through them, as she was doing at that moment.

I took her hand from her hair and lowered it for her so that it wouldn't mess up the carefully arranged pixie style anymore. I started to let go so that I could fix her hair for her, but she squeezed my hand and looked beseechingly up at me and I could see the unshed tears and insecurity more clearly in her doe eyes.

"We need to talk," she whispered, staring hard for something in my face.

I started to agree because she was right. We did need to talk and figure out our relationship. I knew it had to have hurt to basically be friend zoned when she had been led to believe I felt more for her. And I did; I really, honestly did but I panicked when I was faced with the truth in front of outsiders. What was I supposed to say when the very reason I was across the country was because of a relationship like the one I was trying to get into now?

Before I could commit, an arm slung across my shoulders, tugging me backwards for a terrifying moment. By the way Dorothy glared up at the hulking mass of male behind me, I gathered that it was either Seth or Jacob. With a withering scowl of my own, I assessed that my first assumption was correct.

"Come around the fire," Seth said, steering me away and motioning Dorothy to follow. I wasn't sure that she was until Seth plopped down on one of the logs, pulling me with him, and Dorothy quickly flanked my other side, close enough that I could easily brush against her, but far away enough that I had to actually lean over to do so.

Her knees were brought up to her chest and she wrapped her arms around them, gazing into the blue flames of the driftwood fire. I started to tell her something- anything- but I figured it was better if I didn't. If she wanted to speak to me, then she would. I couldn't assume that my conversation would be appreciated until we talked.

I stuck my hotdog straight into the fire.

"So why's it blue?" I finally asked, turning to Seth, who had his mouth stuffed with cooked hotdog. Seth looked somewhat surprised by my question but his face quickly morphed into a grin and he began to explain the salt and chemicals and- I totally lost him.

"Right," I muttered, squinting at his bright face. "I'm going to stick with magic as a valid explanation."

Several barks of laughter followed my comment. I looked up to see some of the group grinning at me from their respective places around the fire. My eyes scanned the group I was thrown into, careful not to stare for too long, which was surprisingly difficult.

All of these men were huge. They all had muscles that rivaled those of professional fighters and were wearing cut-off shorts and tees in November weather and seemed completely fine. Despite their largeness, it was obvious that the group ranged in age, from Collin and Brady (I was guilty to admit I forgot which was which) who more so acted rather than looked like they were 14, to Sam, who looked in his early thirties. And then there were the females.

Besides me and Dorothy, there was Emily, who looked to be the sweetest person on God's Green Earth, and was engaged to Sam, Kim, who was cuddled up to Jared, Leah, who sat slightly apart from the entire group in stony silence, her glares periodically switching from Sam to Jacob, and little Claire, who was making a jungle gym out of Quil. All three men looked absolutely enamored, however platonically in Quil's case, with the girls at their sides, which was intimidating.

Then, finally, my eyes fell on Jacob, who sat next to Dorothy. I could see her head lift a little to look at me, probably thinking that I was staring at her, but my eyes were captured by his. The dark irises appeared to search for something in my face, looking unsure of what they were staring at but as the seconds slowly ticked away, his smile, pure and bright, slowly stretched across his face. Without my permission, my own lips answered his grin.

I couldn't decipher what this meant, what my response to his reactions could possibly signify. I knew it couldn't be good because, once again, I was content with letting him affect me, not at all bothered that I shouldn't trust him at all.

"So how'd you end up literally across the country, Vivian?"

I jolted out of my musings with Jacob and looked around to see who spoke. Everyone looked interested so it made responding to the correct person difficult. I settled for looking into the fire, where my hotdog was burning, as I answered with half truths.

"Oh, my dad was born here so he decided it was time to visit some old roots. Or something." I pulled my hotdog out and blew out the fire- but my hotdog was a lost cause.

"How do you like it?"

This time I managed to look up in time to see Emily talking. I smiled shyly at her before saying, "I like it alright. It's different than Florida, obviously, but other than that, I like it."

"What, no complaints about the rain?" Leah cut in. I shrugged.

"It's not my favorite thing in the world. You can't jump from everyday sunshiny beach trips to everyday gloomy rain and cold and expect to be fine with it."

"Really? Everyday beach trips?" Quil wondered, maneuvering Claire from his shoulders and into his lap. "Sounds like a blast."

I laughed and shook my head. "No, sounds painful. Can you imagine the sunburn?"

"Sunscreen- duh!" Seth cut in.

"But you have to reapply it. A lot," I pointed out, rolling my eyes. "That means you actually have to get out of the water and find your stuff, while battling with tourists, snot-nosed brats, and pointy seashells of doom, then dry off enough to apply it, which you can't really do yourself-"

"Sounds like war of the water or something," Embry cut it with a booming laugh. "I never knew beach trips could be so dangerous."

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'd rather not get old before my time via UV Rays. Not all that glamorous."

"We don't go through nearly as much trouble," Jared shared.

"Because you can't swim in these parts without getting hypothermia- well, most people can't, anyway," Kim scolded, scowling up at her boyfriend. I found that curious but decided not to comment.

"It helps that the sun is like… a unicorn here," I grumbled. More laughter followed, resulting in my blush. It was then that I realized that I was comfortable, which was strange. I was so used to being nervous around people I didn't know- paranoid that they'd sense the gay or something- and I just _knew_ that they would find out with Dorothy here to make mooneyes at.

But I wasn't making mooneyes at Dorothy and I wasn't nervous. I felt like no one here was going to judge me. It was like everyone here was a part of this happy family and they had just accepted me with no questions asked, and I didn't have the slightest clue as to why.

Yes you do, a piece of me whispered, making me look to my side, over Dorothy, and to the bulking man who had harassed me for a week straight. He was still grinning, infecting my own mouth to do the same, and his eyes were bright and twinkling with such pride that my chest swelled and my breath whooshed out of my lungs.

A couple of hours later greeted us as the group realized how late it was getting. Everyone politely said their goodnights to Dorothy, but for the most part seemed wary of her, and shook my hand once again with 'it was great meeting you's and the sort. Emily actually pulled me into a hug when it was her turn to say good bye and Quil and Embry ruffled my hair like I was a kid.

"Be safe," Sam told me seriously, then shot Jacob an equally solemn look. Jacob nodded his head just as gravely and led me and Dorothy away to his car.

Dorothy looked dead on her feet and still a little angry, so I suggested sleeping in the back until we got to her house.

"Hm? Are you sure, Vivie?" she sighed, rubbing her droopy eyes with the heels of her hands. I smiled gently and touched her cheek with my fingertips.

"Yeah, I'm sure. It's like, what, a thirty minute ride?" I opened the backdoor for her and she crawled in, then curled up in the seat. After gently closing the door, I made my way around the car and slid into the passenger seat.

Jacob and I didn't say anything for the first five minutes of the ride- I would know because I counted. Probably wasn't the best idea, because by the end of minute five, I was ready to jump out the vehicle.

"Everyone liked you a lot," Jacob mentioned, just as I was scooting closer to the door. I stopped and looked, genuinely surprised at the comment.

"_Why_?" I asked. His chuckles answered me and I swore I saw him roll his eyes. I rolled my eyes as well and snorted. A few more minutes passed.

"Because you're funny, for the most part."

I scoffed. "For the most part? I'm funny for the _all_ parts! … wait!" But Jacob was already laughing at my lapse in good grammar and his laugh was contagious enough to make me join in shortly after.

When the laughter died down, a sense of peace and contentment washed over me as I looked over at the strange man next to me. He was more relaxed than I had seen him since that day at the cliff, grinning with such sincerity that it spread warmth over me. And it was then that I realized that these walls I kept forcing around me just weren't coming up this time. It was like he had finally demolished them for the last time.

Jacob Black was here to stay. And I was strangely comfortable with this idea.

When we pulled up to Dorothy's house, I took the time to get out and gently shake Dorothy away, feeling guilty for putting her through all that I have. I knew that it wasn't fun to be strung along and I knew it seemed like that was what I was doing to her. She blinked up blearily at me as she sat up.

"We're here already?" she murmured, rubbing her eyes.

"Yeah, we are. Here, let me walk you to the door," I offered, grabbing her hand and pulling her up and out of the Volkswagen. She didn't let go of my hand; instead, she tugged me along up the path to her front door. When we got there, she faced me seriously.

"We still need to talk."

"I know. Tomorrow."

Dorothy's large doe-eyes studying the earnestness in my expression. Slowly, her dainty mouth pulled into a smile and she leaned up and to my lips with hers. The kiss would have been short, a simple peck, and a few hours ago, I would have been ecstatic to receive it, but upon waiting for the kiss my stomach was tied in anxious, dreading knots. And I hadn't the slightest idea why. Before her lips could press against my mouth, I turned my head, just the slightest bit, so that they landed on the corner of my mouth instead. She pulled away immediately and stared at me in hurt. I refused to meet her gaze.

"Night," the little brunette whispered before slipping into the front door.

Slowly, I managed to regain control of my mind and muscles and robotically shuffled to Jacob's car, where Jacob was still seated comfortably, though with a triumphant smirk that, frankly, confused me.

"What are you smirking about?" I sighed as Jacob started the car and drove away.

"Nothing to worry about. What just happened? I pretty much figured out she's your new girlfrie-"

"No. She's not." I didn't intend for my voice to come out as hard as it did but I didn't apologize for it either. I was too preoccupied with dealing with the turmoil bubbling up in me. However, after a few seconds of the same tenseness that had been between us previously, I sighed.

"I don't know what she is yet. We haven't figured it out." He hmm'd in acknowledgement. Strangely enough, I felt an overwhelming need to bare my soul to him. "I mean we just… I just… it's a small town," I settled for instead. "And this was the exact reason I've been exiled here."

"Do you regret it?"

"Regret what?" I wondered, thrown of guard.

"Moving. Here." There wasn't an answer that wasn't loaded, so I shrugged. By then, Jacob was slowing down and pulling into my yard, then shut off the car. Neither of us moved to leave, whether it be me scrambling out of the vehicle or him shoving me out so he could scram.

Seconds ticked by before he sighed and let his hands slide from the steering wheel. "I'm sorry."

That brought my head up. "For what?" came my demand.

"Everything, I guess. For running away, for getting you sick, for taking you to the bonfire, for existing…? I dunno," the ball of sunshine finished, not looking so bright at the moment. Without much thought, I placed a cool hand on his forearm, quietly marveling at the heat emanating from it. The stiffness in his frame dissipated at the action.

"You shouldn't be- I mean… You aren't…" I sighed, realizing I was completely screwing up my very own bona-fide apology, something that was completely foreign to me in the midst of everything going wrong in my life. "What I'm trying to say is that _I'm_ sorry, Jake. You've only asked me for friendship and, sure, I was terrified of the prospect because, honestly? Trusting you and being around you is too easy. It's like… it's like we're meant to be in each other's lives. Like you're meant to be in mine and that's scary for me…

"That's no excuse, I know," I continued, caught in his eyes, "but it's all I have. I'm a bitch, let's face it. But… I guess I just realized how _invaluable_ your friendship could be so… please… forgive me?"

I hardly got to finish my little speech before Jacob wrapped his arms around me in a vice grip, despite how awkward it was because of how we were sitting. He murmured something along the lines of "you have nothing to be forgiven for" and "you did nothing wrong" and a bunch of other nonsensical things that made my eyes droop with the combination of his husky voice and his warmth.

"So friends?" came his voice after a moment of silent basking. I craned my neck and grinned.

"I suppose."

* * *

**_PLEASE READ:_**

**__**I'm really sorry this took so long! Um... not much of an excuse, just incredible writer's block...

I actually had a **question **about the last chapter? Was it bad? I mean I know there were a couple of comments about Jacob sounding like a possessive girlfriend (it made me lol too) and that was intentional (sorta) because I honestly can't see him feeling privileged enough to take that **Protective Boyfriend Step**.

I just couldn't tell if the comments were good or bad -_-;

ALSO! I got told by someone that it was a little confusing and I was hoping to have that confirmed or denied?

Well, the filler chapters are pretty much done. Many surprises for the next one! I can't wait :D :D :D

Thank you guys again for taking the time to review, favorite, and alert :D I hope the rest of your guys' summers are awesome. Or were awesome. whichever.

**Sugar**


	13. XII: 18th Floor Balcony

**Chapter 12- 18****th**** Floor Balcony**

_**I try to sleep to keep you in my dreams**_

The Harpies

Dorothy shivered as a winded chill swept past her and tugged her flimsy dress coat closer to her body. She hated graveyards with a passion. They were creepy and gloomy and- and she just hated them. Dorothy was sad that her grandmother had passed but she had never been that close to her. The sadness she felt was more so from the regret she had from not knowing Nana better, especially when her parents told stories about her. Even then, however, the regret was vague. Right now she was mostly just cold and hungry.

"Dorothy? Are you ready to go?"

The girl in question looked up from the cluster of headstones she was staring off at and peered questioningly to her mother, who's eyes were red rimmed and who's cheeks were streaked with tears. It _was_ her mother who died, after all. A wave of sympathy swept through the slightly chubby girl as she nodded her head and followed after her parents and two siblings.

After climbing in the small black car and being squished between her older siblings, Dorothy allowed herself to think of cheerier things. Like Vivian Anne Landcaster. The brunette smiled dreamily at the thought of the little blonde she had fallen so hard for, ignoring the questioning and disgusted looks being shot her way.

Vivian was worth it all. She was even worth the heartache that had been so frequent as of late as the petite blonde developed friendships with large men such as Jacob and Seth. But mostly Jacob.

Jacob Black looked at Vivian like Dorothy did and it made Dorothy uncomfortable. How else was she supposed to feel when Vivian made no verbal commitment and had, in fact, lied about what their relationship could have been in front of others. Neither of those things held any promise- well any _good_ promise, anyway. The heartache she had been feeling since the bonfire from last month spoke of the promise she _was_ entitled to.

Vivian had acted like nothing was different or wrong when meeting Dorothy at school. But Dorothy could tell something was and she was willing to bet anything that it was Jacob fucking Black.

Jacob had been around a lot more often since the bonfire as well, constantly monopolizing Viv's time and space, though the blonde never outright said it was the Quileute. She could just tell. Ever since the bonfire, a sense of dread had been lumped into Dorothy's stomach until she was ready to scream. Vivian was no longer the cute flirt that she used to be and shied away when tried to show affection. Why else other than Jacob?

Well, Jacob or shame.

Dorothy was pretty sure that Vivian wasn't out of the closet, so to speak, and that made her very nervous. Maybe Vivian was just playing with Dorothy, just using her to get her kicks. But, with the image of Vivian's bright smile bestowed on Dot after she kissed her for the very first time, Dorothy knew that that wasn't wrong. So it could have possibly just been shame.

Shame that she was gay? _If _she was gay, anyway. She could have been bi-sexual but that thought sent anxiety throughout Dorothy's gut. If she liked men as well, Jacob was possibly the most logical choice for Vivian.

When the car rolled to a stop and the brunette's siblings slid out, leaving her to clamber out of the car as well, Dorothy shoved all images, fantasies, and thoughts of Vivian out of her mind as she finally stood in front of her grandmother's house.

Grandma's house was left to her only daughter, Dorothy's mother, and so Dorothy's mother had decided that, after the funeral was over, she, her husband, and her three kids would go through the house to scavenge around. Dorothy personally felt uncomfortable with this idea, but didn't say anything against it.

When they were inside, everyone split up in the small house. Angelica, Dorothy's sister, moseyed off to the main bedroom; Jonathan, Dorothy's brother, decided to check out the living room to see if he wanted the television for his bachelor's pad; her father scurried into the backyard so see if her late grandfather had any valuable tools; and her mother practically ran to the kitchen in search of old recipes. The chubby teenager lingered in the doorway, unsure of where any uncharted territory would be. There was the guestroom and the bathroom but, really, what could have possibly been in there?

But then Dorothy remembered the dressing room, which was entered by a door on the other side of the bathroom. There were only a few memories of the small walk-in-closet-like room, but they were precious non-the-less and the made her brown eyes tear up when she slipped inside. She turned on the overhead light, having to stretch to reach the chain.

The room smelled like the parlor in the funeral home had, but Dorothy didn't mind taking in the smell of dust and baby powder. The room was beautiful in it's uniquely aged décor. From the door's standpoint, there was a long counter below a mirror that extended the length of the room, stopping only where a threshold for the closet appeared. The counter was caked in either dust or the powder that she knew her grandma frequently utilized, as well as the things that cluttered the surface.

There was makeup that Grandma used to apply while Dorothy watched, such as the lipstick that she would kindly dot on her granddaughter's lips and blush to make her cheeks ridiculously red. There was a thick, old looking book made of brown leather that hung hazardously on the edge of the counter that she thought to be a bible and necklaces of crosses scattered in the dust.

Dorothy crept forward as if afraid to disturb a ghost and swept the tips of her fingers over the surface and brought the dust encrusted tips to her face. She ran her thumb over them and scrutinized the counter more, unsure of what she was looking for.

But she was looking for something. Anything, really.

It was a brief flash of gold that caught her eye and made her look up into the mirror. At first all she saw was the closed door behind her and her too-large eyes. As her pupils grazed around the mirror, she finally found what had caught her attention. Behind her were three shelves built in the wall, loaded down with more knick-knacks layered in dust. Except one object in particular.

A shiny black wooden box with a golden lock.

The lock twinkled despite the dull lighting, which made Dorothy curious enough to slowly turn and approach. She stretched to reach the first shelf but her fingertips only grazed the flat surface of the box, accidentally pushing it further away. She huffed in annoyance and considered asking for help before deciding against it. If someone found this treasure, she'd be forced to share it and there was something in Dorothy's gut telling her to keep this a secret.

So she tried again, reaching with all her might until her back ached and her toes cracked until, finally, the corner of the box was in her hands. She pushed it from behind so that it fell of the shelf and into her arms with a triumphant grin.

It wasn't until she set it on the dirty counter that it slid off. The box was locked. Almost frantically, she searched the dressing room. Where could the key be, she thought, moving a particular clump of necklaces around to look. And what could it look like? After twenty minutes had passed and there were fingerprints all over the dressing room, Dorothy gave up. She took the box under her arm and did one last sweep before exiting into the bathroom.

At the brighter lights, she paused, giving her eyes time to adjust. Then she continued to long length of the bathroom, pausing at the mirror above the sink, where her reflection caught her eye. The brunette slowly turned to face her mirrored image with a scrutinizing expression.

"_You have the hide the precious things you have, Dot,"_ came her grandmother's stern voice. _"Remember that."_

Trying to remember where that conversation took place, Dot allowed her body to edge closer to the white toilet. It wasn't until she was lifting up the heavy ceramic lid of the top that she fully remembered asking her Grandma why she was taping something in there.

"_You have to hide the precious things you have, Dot."_

The advice struck deep in Dorothy as she thought about how deep she had already fallen in love with the very precious Vivian Anne Landcaster. But those thoughts were lightly pushed to the side as a gold glint at the edge of the toilet's squared top, almost hidden by the black pump. With a quick maneuver, she slipped her hand between the pump and wall and yanked back a golden chain.

In awe, the chubby brunette studied the tape-concealed necklace. Why was this here? Was her grandmother actually crazy and felt the need to hide it?

_You have to hide the precious things you have, Dot._

That was a possibility, Dorothy relented, but she didn't know her grandmother enough to judge. Instead she focused on covered chain in her hand. She hastily sat the wooden box on the edge of the sink and set to work on the take surrounding the necklace. It took three minutes, but eventually all the tape was peeled back and the chain was unknotted to reveal its charm: a tiny silver key. Without further delay, she snatched the black box and shoved it into the keyhole.

With a tiny click, the lid popped open and Dorothy gently lifted it with bubbling excitement. She was pleasantly surprised to see another necklace that she vaguely recalled in her memories, one that was based with a thick, silver chain and a large silvery feather. It almost looked metallic but upon touching it, she could feel that it was as soft and light as a real one.

_You have to hide the precious things you have._

There was no way she could hide Vivian from Jacob Black or Seth Clearwater. But maybe she could do something else to win her over.

Guthrie absolutely hated flying with her sisters. Not because she didn't love them. Why, she and her two sisters had been told by others that they had never seen a trio as close as they. Most harpy sisters were backstabbing and only cared for the others when it benefited them. Not her sisters and her, no. Guthrie knew she would do anything she could for her two sisters, and they her. Their bond went beyond their ancient duty of finding the Silver Feather.

But she still hated flying with them.

Because she was so much younger than Tabor and Patia were, she was also slower. Her wings got tired more quickly and she often lagged behind, much to the quiet irritation of Patia in particular. Tabor, being the oldest, always displayed more patience. It didn't help that they had been flying for over a month, across the silly human territory called Canada and back across the southern borders of America with little to no rest. None of them said it, but they were all more than a little weary since they had been chased off by the wolves.

Mutts, Patia called them. Nothing more than half-breeds. Not exactly human but still desperately clinging to those ways. To have it explained like that made Guthrie a little sad for the wolves. Couldn't the wolves see that humans were nothing more than a source of food for everyone higher in the food chain?

"Of course they do," Patia had spat at her younger sister. "They're just _selfish_." Guthrie had looked to Tabor, whom she knew would never lie to her, but the blonde haired, black winged harpy just shrugged her shoulders and suggested they moved on. They still had to find the Silver feather they had been searching for in over the span of one hundred and fifty years.

"Guthrie, do you need rest?" Patia called, though it sounded more like a suggestion that an actual question. For once, Patia wasn't being vindictive, however. She was tired also and it showed in her green eyes as well as the almost sluggish beating of her green wings.

In response, Guthrie was ready to say no, just as she was catching up, where Tabor and Patia flapped their wings. If her sisters, as worn as they looked, could carry on, there was no reason why she couldn't either. But when she opened her tiny little beak, something strange happened.

Something pulsated through all three sisters, buzzing through their wings and talons. The feeling wasn't wholly unpleasant- just unexpected. Guthrie, who had never felt anything like it, crooned at the sensation of life, pure and unadulterated, rushed through her body. When the strength of the pulsating died down to a steady thump in their tiny hearts, Guthrie's blue eyes slid half open to see her sisters doing the same. She was about to ask what had just happened.

"The Silver Feather," Tabor breathed before Guthrie could ask.

"It's been found," sighed Patia, a smile slowly stretching across her face. It only took a second for Guthrie to process what was being said and a second more for the shock to fade beneath the pulsing in her heart and the joy to come forth.

"Where? Where?" She crowed, all previous exhaustion melting away. This was amazing news. This was wonderful, what they and others before them had been waiting for for over a century and a half, about fifty years before Guthrie had even been an egg. But that didn't matter because the little black-haired harpy had been taught from day one that some witch had stolen the feather and since she was born, she and her sisters were going to break off from the nest and steal it back.

"I don't know," Tabor finally answered after a thoughtful moment of silence. But it's coming from the Northern Wind…" All three of them looked in that direction, a familiar sense of unease settling over them. They knew what was up north. A little town called Forks where not only vampires lived, but where werewolves resided as well.

They shared a look with each other and, without saying anything, they started in that direction. Duty always outweighed comfort.

And Guthrie _really_ hated flying with her sisters.

* * *

**_please read:_**

So I just started college... and I'm really sorry for updating so slow. But I'll try to be quicker. A lot of things have been going on

I'm really sorry

especially to Skittles :(


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